I stood at the counter of my local pizzeria, holding my son Paul who was 6 months old and stealing the show.
The owner of the Pizzeria, who I only knew as “The Pizza Dude” (but being from NY I’m sure it had to be Mario or Tony or something) was looking at my son and it was quite evident that he was drifting off on an “outer body experience”. Turns out, he had been traveling back in time and then said something to me, that I have never forgotten. “Its none of my business but make sure you appreciate each day of your child’s life. Before you know it, you’ll have kids in their twenties like mine”
There was something in his words and even his tonality that hit home with me. I decided to take his advice.
Turns out, his advice came to me at a critical point in my life because 6 months later, I lost my business, my cars and was deep in debt. For the next few years I had to be very focused on digging my family out of the hole I dug, but I never lost focus on the really important thing . . . my family.
I won’t lie to you, we were poor but the swing set at the park was free! On Friday nights we would watch Cartoon Cartoon Friday and camp out in my living room with our sleeping bags.
Then something happened, I blinked my eyes, and that little boy of 6 months morphed into a 16 year old while the rest of my family grew up!
And now . . . the point!
I don’t know you and much like that Pizza dude said to me 16 years ago, I have a message for you:
Make sure you conquer the world at home!
1) You schedule appointments at work . . . schedule time with your family!
2) When was the last time you had a date with your significant other? Doesn’t have to be expensive, just needs to be your time together. As parents sometimes we forget the importance of dating and romance.
Laura & I In 1986
3) If there is a fence in need of mending, mend it dude! It takes too much energy to be pissed and life is way too short.
4) Give people their “flowers” while they’re alive instead of on their tombstone! Please take a moment to reflect on this. I promise you there’s some wisdom in these words from the late, great Des Castain!
5) Commit to having at least 1 (week day) family meal, each week. Communicate, laugh and savor the moment!
6) Get out of your office at a decent time, even if you have to take some work home with you!
7) You “Wow” your customers, find a way to “wow” your personal relationships. Hint: surprises and spontaneity!
8) Be Present: Life is so much better when you shut your cell off and pay attention to your family, friend, significant other.
9) Take a moment to stop time and catch yourself having fun. And when you do simply dig the moment!
10) Don’t be the guy in that “The Cat’s In The Cradle” song. Seriously! Listen to it every now and again for a reality check 
Successful people conquer the world at home too!
I’ve told that “Pizza Dude” story to every new parent I’ve met for the last 16 years. And now I pass this lesson along to you with respect and appreciation to a person who altered my direction!
To our relationships!
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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
this was really an eyeopener for me. Though I have not started to live a real family life, but definately this pizza guys advice will help me out in my personal life.
Thanks for sharing something besides business and giving us this valuable treasure.
With Regards,
Tejas Katkar
@ Tejas: A sincere honor.
Thank you for your kind words and for stopping by to contribute.
Respectfully,
Paul Castain
Paul once again you show us the way. My kids are 9, 12 and 14 and not slowing done one bit. Soon they will want to be out with there friends more that at home so this hit home with me.
“Take a moment to stop time and catch yourself having fun. And when you do simply dig the moment!” This is a good stuff…
I am guilty of scheduling to much other stuff then family stuff and it is good to read this and know that I need to find balance.
Cheers,
Jamie
Paul,
You’ve got it right brother. Reminds me of some lyrics from Bonnie Raitt’s “nick of time”. First time I heard it I knew I would never forget. That was about 15 years ago and I haven’t. Here’s the verse that struck the nerve:
“I see my folks, they’re gettin’ old, I watch their bodies change
I know they see the same in me, makes us both feel strange
No matter how you tell yourself, it’s what we all go through
Those eyes are pretty hard to take when they’re starin’ back at you
Scared you’ll run out of time
When did the choices get so hard?
With so much more at stake
Life gets mighty precious when there’s less of it to waste.”
Every day’s a gift. We each make a choice for how we want to spend it. I choose to make each day positive and meaningful as I can. It’s easy to forget.
@ Jamie: I’m right at that point now Jamie. They all want to hang out with their friends (the same way we did) so I hear ya loud and clear. When I was writing this last night, I was rather bummed that those days when they were little are behind us but I’m also enjoying them as young adults.
@ Marc: Powerful lyrics Marc! And yes, its very easy for us to forget and get caught up.
I’ve added “kick ass at home” to my To Do list!
Thank you both for stopping by and have an awesome weekend!
Respectfully,
Paul Castain
Sent this one to my wife. You’re awesome baby.
WOW! it’s exactly what I’m going through now. I have a 16 year old daughter driving and a 15 year old son. Both in high school freshman and a Junior. I was sitting with them the other day and said to myself what happened? I also proceeded to say to them… kids, these are the days of your life. grasp it and take it all in. I’m divorced and have them 40% of the time. But that time is getting less and less all the time because them wanting to be with their friends and going out.
Bill
Wow!!
This is so true. It really hits home for me. My oldest daughter just graduated from University and my son is graduating from High School in June. Gee Paul you wink and you have adults…. so yes “Cheers” to all those folks out there like your “Pizza Dude” and you who undestand the premise of cherishing these precious moments with our most greatest “gifts” our “Loved Ones”.
Once again Paul thank you so very much for this. Not only are your posts entertaining, informative, interesting etc., they also put things into perspective. You have a great gift!!! I hope you continue to prosper.
PS- I had a simliar hair style in 86 as well….. I don’t have the quantity of hair to pull it off anymore but thanks to you if wisdom was hair I would be a “Hippie” lol.
My sincere best,
Dave Doue “your friend you have not met yet.”
been there, still doing it!
Paul-
My oldest turned 16 yesterday. He wanted to go out with friends to celebrate instead of his family. We “convinced him” that his family needed to share in this momentous occassion and his friends could celebrate on Saturday. As you stated, the years have flashed before my eyes and we all told stories about his growing up. In the end, he thanked me for making him come to dinner with the family and remembering his early years. I will definetly take the time to schedule “appointments” with my kids so that the rush of life doesnt pass us by and we spend quality time together-so that we have memories to remember in later years.
Thanks for sharing your stories
Paul, you are so right. I got the same advice from another print sales rep some 15 years ago. He told me to hug my son every chance I got. I wish I had done that a little more often. He is now 21 and away at college. I really miss him.
Paul, I so appreciate the wholistic worldview you share with us. As my husband’s and my grandchildren come into our lives and grow (so fast!), the same applies, and the passage of time only keeps accelerating! We just committed to eating dinner together, at the table, on evenings when we are both home, so that we take time to connect and appreciate each other and the meal. Isn’t this the way families used to be nurtured?
Great post, Paul – thought-provoking as always.
Paul, I swear a week ago my kids were 14, 10, 2, and 1–That was twenty years ago! A few years back I kind of became The Pizza Dude, and have said many times to young parents (especially when the kids are a bit “impatient” shall we say) that “Yesterday mine were this age–Now they’re all grown up. The same will be true with you.” They politely acknowledge the truth of that, but don’t seem to take it seriously; at least at that moment. But soon they will be saying it to some other young family! The circle of life.
Thank you, Paul. I can’t say I’ve ever gotten emotional reading a blog post… but this one couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I have three wonderful women in my life – daughters that are 2 and 4 y.o. and my wife of 7 years. The start-up life I’ve chosen is extremely demanding not only of me but of my family.
Your post is a great reminder that success is not defined solely by what we accomplish at work but also (or more so) by what we accomplish at home. I could also make the case that personal success (i.e. good relationships) are a prerequisite for professional success, at least for most of us.
Lucky for me, my beautiful wife is taking me on a date for my birthday tonight. Knowing her it will be fancy, but to your point Paul, I’d just as soon spend time alone with her over PB&Js and sodas.
Cheers,
-marc
I was starting to get paranoid Paul as I thought you were directly talking to me with your post….you were not right.
May you and yours have a pleasent weekend.
I guess it’s no mistake that every success at one time or another was a failure..we’ve all had errors in judgement and life sometimes just ain’t fair. Let’s face it no one get out of it alive
There is no work life balance, the number one thing in our lives should be each other..then everything else will fall into place in due time.
Thanks Paul..from one “Mommy” to another (so to speak)
Gina
Paul,
It is refreshing to hear from someone who understands that monetary wealth doesn’t equal success. A person with barely two pennies to rub together is wealthy when they are surrounded by love. While there are definitely strategies that will propel your career forward, the effort it takes to hone those skills is utterly meaningless if you have no one to share with.
It is comforting to know that there are still people in business that recognize the need for balance. Thanks for keeping it real…
Megan
Once again a great reminder of life and appreciation. Thanks Paul, enjoy the weekend.
Margaret
Hi Paul,
A very nice post.
From the very moment I saw my son coming to this world, I entered into a new and unknown emotional status (floating among clouds) which I have not yet abandoned (nearly 7 years after the first one came).
Since that very moment, I guess Mother Nature gave me that advice and I do try to enjoy all and every moment I have with my wife and children. They are the reason I wake up every morning.
You are very right … when you do stop to look back, time has flown by.
Enjoy the weekend together with your family!
Juan
Isn’t it funny how such a seemingly small comment from an unknown can stick with you and literally change your life…
There are some things and people that have stuck with me and changed mine and I would bet that 99% of those sorts of encounters or experiences, the person has no clue what they have done.
I believe (and in no way am I religious) that those people and episodes are placed in our lives for a reason. You may have needed a kick in the pants to make you truly realize what is important in life… Aren’t you glad you got pizza that night?
I’m speaking as if I’m 90 years old reflecting on my life but in the seemingly short (20 years) life of mine thus far I have had a similar experience with complete strangers. One was a cab driver. It just shows that you never know when life can throw you a curve-ball. Whether you strike-out or knock it out of the park is up to you.
Thank you Paul for another incredible post.
Another bell-ringer, Paul. One of my favored lines of advice is, “Wherever you are, BE THERE.”
The kids are up and gone before you realize it’s happening. Few dying men wish they had spent more time at the office.
Have a great weekend with your family.
Hank
POW!! That’s how I felt while reading this. With a new job and trying to get some solid footing I was headed down the drain. This morning I got to enjoy a wonderful moment. Nema and I have 3 boys 9, 8, 4 and the two older ones got to walk to school today without adult supervision. Man this freaked me out but I remember walking to school all the time when I was their age so I figured I needed to let go, very hard.
It was an absolute gem of a moment watching two of my boys gain tremendous confidence in their new found freedom and gave me a stark reminder that graduation was only a few years away. I’ve been in that moment all day long…
Thanks for the reminder,
Chris Hussey
Paul…I enjoyed reading this so much. This hits home to me in so many ways. Noah may be 11 months now, but I am sure we will blink and he will be 11 years old. Soaking in every minute…
Thanks Paul,
Roy
I have been extremely fortunate when it comes to spending time with my son. My husband however, has not because of his job. He is a truck driver and during the week he is either working or sleeping. We do have our dinners together as a family most nights, but there is no more time otherwise. However, on the weekends we try to spend them together but not overbearingly so, because there are things that we all want to do. My son is almost 14 and to my surprise he still loves me and has not left me on the side like most do to their mothers when they become a teenager. I cherish this more than you know because I know that it could stop at any given moment. Okay, I need to stop now because I could go on and then there would be 10 pages to read.
Great reminder Paul,
Erika
Awesome post, Paul – thank you!
~ Rebecca