Surrender . . . Or Grow?

by Paul Castain on March 30, 2011

This is the kind of post that you write and feel like a wuss the whole time but things need to be said and perhaps a lesson can be learned.

Back in December, I mentioned that “someone very close to me” was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I mentioned how lucky she was to have found it at the earliest stage and how she had her surgery in January.

What I didn’t tell you is that is was my wife Laura.

No matter what the circumstances, or the severity of those circumstances, it’s very difficult to watch someone you love struggle with something.

Especially when the “enemy” is invisible.

It makes me kind of wish it had a face so I could just kick its ass, but life can be somewhat of a complex carbohydrate like that.

Somewhere between the worry, the tears and the medical expenses:

A strong 28 year relationship grew stronger: I was reminded that my time with her has an expiration date.

We learned to accept small victories (a good  day, a laugh or even a day when the situation wasn’t pissing us off)

I got better at showing my emotions in front of her. I still think it would have been easier to just kick someone’s ass . . . but sometimes a dude has to cry the way that dude did in Jerry Maguire at the end when he got that big contract. Its quite liberating actually 🙂

I became what experts call “useful” around the house and got back to cooking and helping out.

God and I had quite a few conversations . . . most recently in the form of my gratitude.

The next part is a first for me . . . I didn’t turn to my feel good “drug” of choice which has always been food!

I know that sounds weird and for some its alcohol, others its firing up the proverbial fatty . . . for me its eating foods that have contributed to me being a fatty   In this case, I actually lost 15 lbs!

The next part is radical, and I don’t suggest it for everyone . . .

Somewhere in this set of challenges, I decided to take the following quote to heart

“As it turns out, now is the moment you’ve been waiting for.” — Lucinda Williams

So I quit my job and started my training and coaching business because I got tired of putting it off.

Note: finding one’s balls is even better than my Jerry Maguire crying dude moment  Extremely liberating!

But as crazy as all this sounds . . .

I have learned

I have grown

I have found my peace and most importantly . . .

I got to find Paul Castain in the process.

I’m of the crazy mindset that surrendering might have given this experience a different face.

So it is with this experience that I proudly veer off from another one of life’s many crossroads with a can of whup ass that runneth over . . .

And my finger gun pointed sideways ready to bust another cap!

I wish you a “surrender free” journey and thank you for staying with me on mine!

With respect and appreciation.

A newly reinvented Me 🙂

Paul Castain is a bad ass who works with organizations and individuals who wish to achieve higher levels of badassery. He is so good that he no longer poses topless for his bio pictures. For more information on how Paul can help you and your company click here dude.

  • Thanks Cheri . . . Hope you are knee deep in an amazing Wednesday! 🙂

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  • Tim Mushey

    Thanks for sharing this great story Paul! Two people very close to me have beat this same form of that awful disease, and I had many “look in the mirror moments” as well. These situations really put things in to perspective, and I stopped putting off some things I should have done long ago too. Thanks for the inspiration. Keep Rockin!

  • You continue to amaze and lighten our journey too! (Daily)
    Rock onward and upward!

    Prayfully and admiringly,

    Tim Hile


  • Thank you for the kind note Tim . . . I really appreciate it!

  • I’m glad to hear they beat the disease Tim . . . wonderful news!

    Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts . . . I always appreciate it my friend!

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