Paul Castain's Blog

Beware Of The "When In Rome" Trap!

Posted June 1, 2011

Somewhere in the book of clichés is a saying that takes us to Rome and has us doing what the Romans do.

You might want to rethink that one!

Why?

Because chances are superb that you will piss off lots of “Non Romans”!

For example:

Let’s say you are a tried and true conservative and so is your client. So there you are in their cubicle and the conversation comes around to politics. Now you know its cool with this client because you’ve gone down this road before and quite frankly it seems this is your conservative brother from a way cool conservative mother.

Well, what the heck . . . when in Rome. Right dude?

What about those who happen to be within earshot who have a different perspective?

But that’s all good because they aren’t the decision maker so you’re still golden.

Not really!

They might have your contact’s boss’s ear or they might even be the boss.

And since things always change, who knows what kind of future influence this person will have.

Now you have a “Non Roman” enemy because you didn’t think out your actions.

Sounds kind of 101 ish right?

Think again because this trap has many different ways to lure you in brochocho!

I’ve seen this with people who make the “When In Rome” mistake with religion!

I’ve seen this with people who think its alright to use really bad language (of the F-Bomb variety) because a few “Romans” were cool with it. Actually I sort of lied on this one. I didn’t just see this one . . . I made the mistake of doing it a few years back. Yep, pretty dumb!

I’ve seen people fall into this type of trap in telling a dirty joke to someone they know is cool with it but those dang “Non Romans” get miffed.

And just to make the “When In Rome” mistake more interesting, I’ve seen people aggravate 10’s of thousands of “Non Romans” through social media by making the assumption that they are doing as the Romans do!

So here’s the deal folks, you can easily make the mistake of getting lured into a discussion or even a behavior that seems perfectly harmless in every way . . . all because you weren’t aware of the “Non Romans”

And one more thing, isn’t this a silly reason to create groups of people who you’ve alienated based on your opinions and non business related actions?

I want to leave you with a final thought and will need your feedback, so please don’t leave us just yet . . .

There are many people who feel that its actually quite healthy to discuss religion, politics etc with clients because its yet another area where you can connect.

Some feel its all part of adapting to the client/prospect.

Do you agree with that or should we avoid controversial topics and keep our “main thing the main thing”

What say you?

Paul Castain trains individuals and teams to be lethal. For more information on how you can work with this  Jedi, by all means click here


64 thoughts on “Beware Of The "When In Rome" Trap!”

  1. I think you are always taking a chance when you choose to divulge in the areas of politics and religion-it can either really help you or hurt you.  I am always walking the line on this one, because I have some very definite and earnestly held political convictions.  I keep the political/religious stuff within the parameters of my personal social media accounts and off of the corporate accounts, but in some cases there is overlap between the two.  Anyone who really wanted to know where I stand could figure it out with a simple google search.  Does anyone have some best practices that they operate by and would like to share?

    1. I agree about the taking a chance part.

      This is a tough one for some people because where there are strong convictions it can be rather hard to not “go there”

      I choose to avoid controversial areas like politics and religion simply because these are areas where people can get rather sensitive.

      Not saying my approach is right or wrong . . . it works for me.

      I’m anxious to hear what the others have to say on this subject.

      Meanwhile, thank you so much for stopping by and contributing!

  2. Paul

    Very good post. It is easy to get caught in the “Roman” mindset but resisting and taking the road less traveled is always the better solution. Keep business in mind as the respect you gain by being true will pay dividends long after the”Romans” have disappeared !

  3. Paul

    Very good post. It is easy to get caught in the “Roman” mindset but resisting and taking the road less traveled is always the better solution. Keep business in mind as the respect you gain by being true will pay dividends long after the”Romans” have disappeared !

  4. Hi Paul,

    I prefer to listen, let the “other Roman” express their beliefs, thoughts, ideas, etc., and nod in agreement. Then I discuss with my other actual Roman (the husband). 🙂

    Have a great day! Honoree

  5. Great post, sometimes it’s all too easy to think there’s one way of thinking/acting only and you get caught in a loop.

    I don’t really approach topics like that with any of my clients, partly because I have my own views but don’t know if I’d articulate my thoughs behind them particularly well (better to be thought an idiot, than open your mouth and prove it, or some kinda saying like that) and partly because you get to know people more as time goes on and I always find common ground on other topics and become more friendly that way. Our business is pet focused so there’s always some kind of a common ground with clients big and small that’s a bit more fun. Plus I think it’s human nature to mirror certain actions/phrases/tones etc which can be great subliminaly to get you to a point where you do get to know more about them.

  6. I’m thinking that you used the term “Work your FACE off” in your Gary V. posting (as opposed to the more common “Work your A** off” option, for a very good reason.  Language, topics of conversation and demeanor should always be respectful and professional….

    I admire the way you walk this line Paul – always genuine Castain, but always “respectfully yours” professional.

    Awesome.
    LA

    1. Thanks LA  . . . I stole that phrase from Gary V but like to use it for the reason you mentioned. 

      Thank you for the kind words LA . . . very kind of you!

      Respectfully 🙂
      Paul Castain

  7. I’m thinking that you used the term “Work your FACE off” in your Gary V. posting (as opposed to the more common “Work your A** off” option, for a very good reason.  Language, topics of conversation and demeanor should always be respectful and professional….

    I admire the way you walk this line Paul – always genuine Castain, but always “respectfully yours” professional.

    Awesome.
    LA

  8. I think it depends on the situation and as well as what you are passionate about. Sometimes it is nice to know how people/clients feel about things that are close to your heart. I have a hard time doing business with people that are closed minded (i.e. intolerant at all of other peeps lifestyles) I have family that fall into the alternative category and have several times refused to take on a client that has said how they feel about such things. Perhaps they should have kept their mouths shut but on the other hand………….

    1. I agree with you Heather . . . 

      I had some contractors doing work on my home recently and they were talking (rather loudly) about their opinions of gay people. While they obviously were in agreement with each other, I found it not only in poor taste to have this conversation in someone’s home where you don’t know their personal preference, I found it offensive.

      People will often get so caught up in a conversation with a “kindred spirit” that they forget about their surroundings.

      The real shame here Heather, is that the dudes work was impeccable.

      What a dumb reason to lose a client!

      Thanks for stopping by Heather . . . I really appreciate it!

  9. Great post Paul because in todays market place the conversations are always heated when those topics come up…. being from old school sales we were taught to never discuss politics or religion in the business arena.

    I believe that sales is like baking…mix in the wrong ingredient and it just does not taste right …

    1. Spot on Christopher and I’m not just saying that because “Christopher” is my brother’s name and my sons middle name 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by to comment . . . I really appreciate it!

  11. I’ve always stayed away from religion and politics when I speak with clients, however, for me the easier trap to fall into is the Dirty Jokes and bad language. Like you, I’ve learned my lesson. At the end of it all I don’t see how these behaviors and topics can help anyone adapt to a client/prospect. At our company the President will asks us what do we think of the prospective vendor, and our opinion matters. So I always believe the same question is asked when I leave from a prospect/client appointment.

    So, Paul have you heard the joke about the Priest, Reverend and the Rabbi….just kidding. Have a great day!

    Lee

    1. Email the punch line to me Lee I can assure you no Romans will read it 🙂

      Totally agree with you by the way!

      Thanks for stopping by to comment!

  12. Paul, I think it’s always easy to know we SHOULDN’T act/speak in certain ways, however actually remembering that in the heat of the moment is the real trick. Once you’ve cracked that, you’re allowing yourself to not only talk to the Romans, but also to keep the non-Romans happy. And who knows, it could be that the Roman you are talking to begins to adopt your multi-national behaviours themself without even realising it?!

  13. I don’t even discuss religion or politics with family and friends let alone a Roman.  Basically we all have our opinions cemented in and there has been NO gain in discussing because no one is going to change that opinion.  There are a lot of other ways to connect with people such as books, movies and music that is unlikely to upset anyone within earshot.  As always, great blog! Thanks =)

    1. And that’s the thing Jessica, we aren’t going to change strong convictions and there are tons of other things for us to discuss . . . 

      Like your cool picture which I not only dig by the way!

      Thanks for stopping by Jessica!

    2. And that’s the thing Jessica, we aren’t going to change strong convictions and there are tons of other things for us to discuss . . . 

      Like your cool picture which I not only dig by the way!

      Thanks for stopping by Jessica!

  14. My obligation to clients and prospects is to discover and assist with their business issues and opportunities.  If their business issues and opportunities are in the areas of religion and politics, then the discussion is appropriate.  Otherwise, not wise to go there…

  15. My obligation to clients and prospects is to discover and assist with their business issues and opportunities.  If their business issues and opportunities are in the areas of religion and politics, then the discussion is appropriate.  Otherwise, not wise to go there…

  16. My rule is to try my best to stay away from those subjects. I never bring up those subjects myself, however, many a client will “go there” without any prompting.  You just have to be very careful about your response.  

  18. I try to stick to personal interests, family, kids, hobbies but stay away from religion and politics. Everyone likes to talk abou their families and hobbies and it’s safer.
    john

  19. I agree that controversial topics should not be raised as one could create bad feelings in a seemingly solid relationship.  I avoid these sorts of subjects unless they are raised by the client.  Then I still tread very carefully!

  20. I agree that controversial topics should not be raised as one could create bad feelings in a seemingly solid relationship.  I avoid these sorts of subjects unless they are raised by the client.  Then I still tread very carefully!

  21. I also would avoid potentially controversial topics. If the client brings them up I respond as neutrally as possible. Clients aren’t paying for my opinion on politics after all!

  22. I learned in college when I bartended to NEVER discuss religion or politics with people you don’t know. I’ve stuck to that since then.  No other topics can be so emotional to people.    

    1. Now you’re talking John . . . I bet your tips didn’t suffer one bit with that type of level headed thinking my friend!

      Thank you for stopping by!

    2. Now you’re talking John . . . I bet your tips didn’t suffer one bit with that type of level headed thinking my friend!

      Thank you for stopping by!

  23. I took a client out to lunch last fall and the conversation veered into far right politics (which he initiated). It was certainly an awkward situation. I suggested we’d both be more comfortable if we stuck to business. Because it was pretty far out (to my rational, progressive ears, at least), I now don’t feel as comfortable around him. Clients need to behave, as well. 

    1. Very true Lindsay!

      I had a similar thing happen and finally needed to say something. I then had to say something twice and told them that if I need to say something a third time, I will not only leave, but I will leave them with the check 🙂

  24. I took a client out to lunch last fall and the conversation veered into far right politics (which he initiated). It was certainly an awkward situation. I suggested we’d both be more comfortable if we stuck to business. Because it was pretty far out (to my rational, progressive ears, at least), I now don’t feel as comfortable around him. Clients need to behave, as well. 

  25. Hey brother Paul,

    one of the many reasons I love your posts is that they remind us of the basic truths.  You know, from the book “Things I shoulda learned in Kindergarten but wuz way too busy being 5 years old”?

    In most families I know, 3 topics are banned for polite conversation at the dinner table, sex, politics and religion. Ergo, it’s pretty hard to envision a place for them in a consultative sales discussion.  Great blog, nuff said!

    1. You know Kevin, this was something my Dad (a life time sales jedi) taught me before I even ventured into sales.

      I think there are far to many other subjects where we can either agree or disagree but still preserve the professional aspect of the relationship.

      As always . . . I appreciate your feedback and kind words Mr Keane!

  26. Hey brother Paul,

    one of the many reasons I love your posts is that they remind us of the basic truths.  You know, from the book “Things I shoulda learned in Kindergarten but wuz way too busy being 5 years old”?

    In most families I know, 3 topics are banned for polite conversation at the dinner table, sex, politics and religion. Ergo, it’s pretty hard to envision a place for them in a consultative sales discussion.  Great blog, nuff said!

  27. Unfortunately, I do agree with you.  I say unfortunate, because these topics can be what make or break how we opperateand we aren’t allowed to talk about them.  If we fail to talk about them, then we fail to see our own opposing views, and could cause us to be much more narrow minded than even we want to be.  Thus causing ourselves to be even further dogmatic on what we beleive, because we can’t understand other’s points of view. 

  28. Unfortunately, I do agree with you.  I say unfortunate, because these topics can be what make or break how we opperateand we aren’t allowed to talk about them.  If we fail to talk about them, then we fail to see our own opposing views, and could cause us to be much more narrow minded than even we want to be.  Thus causing ourselves to be even further dogmatic on what we beleive, because we can’t understand other’s points of view. 

  29. I do agree and see the point.  It is not healthy disruption to spell, act, look, and talk the talk if it is full of slant.  What to leave out is the key the key and to repair the self-inflicted damage…and move on to topics that focus just on the reasons for th need to have the contact and keep social for a special select groups of friends. 

  30. I do agree and see the point.  It is not healthy disruption to spell, act, look, and talk the talk if it is full of slant.  What to leave out is the key the key and to repair the self-inflicted damage…and move on to topics that focus just on the reasons for th need to have the contact and keep social for a special select groups of friends. 

  31. I worked for a small company and the President of the company was a huge supporter of a political candidate.  He informed all of the employees that we would be having a company photo shoot, all holding signs endorsing his political candidate.  The photos would then be posted on the company website.  Being in sales, I refused to be involved in the photo and expressed my opinion strongly that the company should stay out of the election.  He said if someone did not buy from him because they  did not like his political views, they could buy somewhere else.  He thought due to the business he was in,  his customers would be Romans.  Surprise!  It was a $4M lesson. 
     

  32. While I certainly have my own passions (religion) and opinion (politics), the bottom line is that to push mine makes it about me. I’ll be happy to share if, and when, asked – but if I model my beliefs and core values I really don’t have to verbalize much. 

    I think the within ear shot point you made is critical. While I may not agree with everyone’s stance, I respect that they have the right and free will to form their own. A lot of damage has been done third party or within ear shot.

    The main thing is the main thing.

  33. While I certainly have my own passions (religion) and opinion (politics), the bottom line is that to push mine makes it about me. I’ll be happy to share if, and when, asked – but if I model my beliefs and core values I really don’t have to verbalize much. 

    I think the within ear shot point you made is critical. While I may not agree with everyone’s stance, I respect that they have the right and free will to form their own. A lot of damage has been done third party or within ear shot.

    The main thing is the main thing.

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