1) Engage in an overabundance of either “me” centered comments and/or self promo. Instead, show a genuine interest in the other person. Get them talking about their favorite subject. Hint: It aint you and your company.
2) Make it evident that you are looking around the room for someone else to talk with. This is by far one of the rudest things I’ve witnessed (and have heard about from others). Better to give the other person your undivided attention. I’ve said it before and its worth saying again. Everyone has a story and wants to be heard. We are living in a world where it’s very easy for us all to get lost in the noise. How cool is it when you get the gift of someone’s undivided attention. Scratch that. Better question . . . how rare is that?
3) Engaging in “Clinger” type activities. This is when you don’t take the hint that the other person is trying to respectfully wind down the conversation. And let’s face it, if you do “cling” to someone, it’s not because you are a bad person, it’s because they are “safe”. In other words you most probably feel it’s better to keep talking to someone who has accepted you than working the room. Now if you; or someone you love falls prey to a “clinger” there is a tactful way to remove yourself from their deadly grasp. Repeat after me “(insert clinger’s real name here) I promised myself I would get out of my comfort zone and try to meet as many people as I could at this event. If you don’t mind, I’m going to try my best to keep that promise. It was wonderful meeting you, clinger I mean (person’s name)” Then run like hell!
4) Invading personal space: This is an easy one to spot because the other party will usually retract. The clueless will then advance and so begins something that almost looks like a poorly choreographed dance routine. One disclaimer: In certain cultures they communicate in very close proximity. Here in the US, it’s a bit troubling to talk with someone so close its like a 3-D movie in “Bad Breath O Vision”.
5) Name Drop: This is when you go out of your way to mention impressive people you know. Here’s my crazy theory. If I’m really the rock star I want you to believe I am, then why not let my reputation (inclusive of who I hang with) precede me. The only time that I would consider name dropping would be in a situation where the other person would benefit by facilitating an introduction. Trust me when I tell you that you will score more points, and garner more interest when you take on a more subdued, humble demeanor.
6) “Cellulous Interruptus” (see also “blackberrius interuptus” and “idontgiveashitaboutheotherpersonimtalkingto syndrome” Whether you realize it or not, it is rather disrespectful to the person you’re talking to. Way to say “You don’t matter” Better to be present and (once again) give the other person the gift of your attention. Hey, don’t we all dig hanging out with people who make us feel important?
7) Demonstrate Poor Listening Skills: There are so many ways to demonstrate poor listening skills. At the top of the list would have to be “listening to respond” instead of “listening to learn” When we listen to respond we start to get into “one uppery”, interrupting the other person and the conversation becomes this one way, non collaborative noise fest. When we “listen to learn” we ask the other person continuation questions such as “how so” “tell me more” “can you give me an example of that” and we encourage them to expand upon their thoughts. It’s also the quickest way for you to be considered an awesome conversationalist.
8) Lay on the “BS” too thick. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good war story, I’m even cool with some creative license but people today, want real, transparent people. PERIOD! On two separate occasions, from two separate people I was told that what they do and how they do it is “the best on the planet” I now respond to that with “Well that might be the case, but my blog kicks ass in this solar system as well as the 3 other solar systems which means my interplanetary beats your miniscule planetary, so bite me!” All joking aside, don’t ever be ashamed of being yourself. The real you is always the best choice. Screw them if they don’t like it. Next!
9) Rushing The Process or Making It Really Evident that you are just there to generate leads! Let’s all be honest, we don’t network so we can have a few new best buddies to sing songs around the camp fire. We all know why we’re there. When we attempt to rush the process of establishing rapport, credibility and trust, it diminishes our personal brand and encourages resistance from the other person. Learn to be patient, slow down, take a chill and understand that it will happen (get this) when it happens.
10) Making Yourself Look Unapproachable: My name is Paul (Hi Paul) and I’m a former frownaholic. It’s totally true and I’m so not proud of it. People used to come up to me at networking events and ask me if I was pissed about something. I remember responding to one woman “I wasn’t but I am now” I told my wife about what was happening and she sat me down and set me straight. She told me how I rarely smiled, always looked pissed and how I was combative. It’s totally true and I totally needed to fix that ASAP. It didn’t happen overnight for me, but I can honestly tell you that once I learned to lighten up, smile and just stop with the taking it all so seriously stuff, my world changed big time! I started attracting wonderful friends into my life and my networking changed too. People would come over to me at events and tell me that it looked like I was having a much better time than they were and they needed some of that enthusiasm to rub off. Truth be told, we often have no idea how we come across to the world. Our heart might be in the right place but our visual self might be giving the world an unintentional middle finger.
11) Get Political, Religious, Controversial or Distasteful. I have witnessed more otherwise productive conversations, disconnect immediately by people who felt a need to discuss politics, their religious beliefs etc. Keep that out of your business discussions unless you enjoy seeing people go from zero to combative in 3 seconds. Under the same category of “don’t go there girlfriend” is the old distasteful joke thing. It’s one thing to try and navigate those treacherous waters when you know the other person, but it’s just plain stupid to attempt something like that when you don’t really know the other people.
So, what are your thoughts? What’s missing from the list?
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I have to add a comment about clothes, which I firmly believe is an extension of our communication. As a woman that networks in a predominantly male business environment, I make sure to wear something modest, yet still feminine. I CAN’T stand it when women roll into a networking meeting with too much skin showing. It’s tacky and totally inappropriate. Maybe some guys in the crowd like it, but when I see their faces they usually cringe. I must say that a poorly dressed man is pretty tacky too. Drop some coin on a nice suit and show me that you mean business and that business means something to you.
@ Jen: I couldn’t agree more! Whether we like it or not, people judge with their eyes first. Why screw up a first impression like that!
Thanks for stopping by to comment Jen!
Respectfully,
Paul Castain
Great post. Thanks for the tips. I think you’re spot-on! Particularly good call on “Cellulous Interruptus.”
@ Jeb Brooks: Thanks Jeb! I think we’ve all been a victim of “Cellulous Interruptus” at one point or another 🙂
Love the “cellulous interruptous” – I also recently read “Black-buried” (it works better if you say it out loud).
Thanks for the tips Paul, although mostly common sense it is amazing how many of them we commit every time we network! I’m planning on attending 2 networking events tonight (yep, it’s a big night!) so this post was perfect timing!
@ Jen- shoes count too, let’s not forget to buy some new Nine West from time to time! or shine up the old ones–
OMG – too funny. How about not eating onions and garlic before the networking event. If you must, have a HANDFUL of mints please.
Great post Paul! I was actually at a Networking Event last night and agree with all of your points. I would also recommend not taking TOO much advantage of an open bar. I once was at an event where the woman talking to me started to slur her words… you can wear the most professional of outfits but if you cannot hold your composure, I recommend sticking to water or soda.
Hi Paul,
Couldn’t agree more with you on the tips. I have a name for the first one I call it the in person spammer. The other one I would add is the people that dress up. I see a guy every once and a while that dresses up as a doctor. I want to tell him he is a hack but haven’t had the heart to do it.
@ Sharon Drucker: I need to check out that book and you’re right; it does sound better out loud. My wife just asked me why I keep saying it out loud, but its all good, she already thinks I’m a nut case 🙂
@ Emily: 2 Networking events? You go with your bad self! Way to push the comfort zone girlfriend. Proud of you!
@ Carol: I couldn’t agree more on the shoes thing, especially on giving them a quick shine. I can’t help but think of a line in a Steve Martin movie when he told a woman that her shoes were “Tragic” Too funny and so true!
@ Debra: That onions and garlic on the breath thing makes you think you died and woke up in Little Italy.
@ Liz: I’m glad you mentioned that about the drinking. It happens way too much and makes a horrible impression. Nobody likes a feedbag size Margarita more than Uncle Paul but I stick to Pelligrino with lime. It looks like a “real” drink and keeps me from making an ass of myself which I already do a great job of sober.
Thank you all for stopping by to contribute. Rock horns to all!
Respectfully,
Paul Castain
Paul,
As usual, great thoughts on networking (one of my favorite topics)
Here’s another way to suck at networking. Go to an event with a co-worker and spend the whole event side-by-side and/or talking with the co-worker.
Paul,
That was great! Wish I read it prior to a networking function last night. I fell victim to the clinger! Your suggestion was perfect and I will be sure to use it if needed in the future.
Pretty complete list there, Pablo. I think I’ve been guilty of committing most of them from time to time. Amazing how a few glasses of gin will elevate your intelligence to the point that you’re talking to no one.
Hank
@ Stan: I can’t believe I missed that one. Now I’m the one that sucks! Great point my friend!
@ Christina: A few months back, I not only had a clinger but she couldn’t have entered my personal space more! For a split second I thought about asking her if we were going steady or something but opted for a very noticeable retract as she kept moving in.
Are there support groups for us victims 🙂
Stan and Christina a heartfelt muchas gracias to you both!
Rock on!
Paul
@ Mi Amigo Hank: That’s classic. You know I promised myself I wouldn’t go there but here we go gang (you can thank Mr Trisler)
I was at a networking event talking to this woman who turned out to be hammered drunk (or had a bad speech impediment) She goes to say something and let’s out this bellow of a burp (kind of sounded like Lurch from the Adams Family) and then as if that wasn’t enough, she waived it away as if to rid herself of its foul stench.
Luckily, I thought quickly and gently tapped her head with the palm of my hand and said “In the name of Christ I cast you out demon”
Nobody waves a burp at Castain at a networking event 🙂
Great article. I have my doubts on your nr. 9where you say “We all know why we’re there. “. I have the feeling that most of the poeple have no idea why they are doing at a networking event. In Europe we are not being taught at (Business) Schools why to network. I understand the same situation applies in the US. As long as we do not get it clear between our ears, A) what the definition of networking is, B) which part in our business/marketingplan tells us whe should ( or should not) be networking and C) what the result of networking could be if we do it properly, we will meet people doing exactly the 11 (plus one extra) things you mention.
And of course when good networkingskills brings you in front of your “dream” client, poor salesmanship might still ruin the deal.
The way I look at it is that there are two very important items the entrepreneur needs training: networking skills and salesmanship.
Best regards
Jos.
Great stuff as usual Uncle Paul, you can be my “wingman” any time.
Great piece, very astute comments.
Unfortunately they are too real.
Paul
“One Uppery”… very clever…
On Wednesday I attended OC’s biggest mixer. I worked two tables for separate clients and we generated approximately 50 qualified prospect leads at each table. One client was a dry cleaner and the other was videographer.
There are three segments of Optimizing the Networking Opportunity;
Engage, Qualify, Disengage or Capture. When you optimize these segments, generating qualified leads is very easy.
Mike
Great article, Paul! Very useful tips, specially for the not-very-experienced networkers like me… Being somewhat shy and reserved, I used to be deathly afraid of networking. What’s helped me is focusing on connecting to people (as opposed to “businesses”) and that makes it much more enjoyable to me. As I heard Chuck Blakeman once say, “it’s all about being interest-ed, not interest-ing”. I’ve made that my guiding principle, and it applies to almost all your tips!
Fantastic article for beginners. I love the term “clinger”. An even nicer way to get away is to include “we should both meet some new people, after all, we are here to network”.
Jason
Another no-no in my book: Don’t overwhelm someone with how much you think you know. Someone asked me what I do and I replied that I have an online retail business. He then looked at me knowingly and said, “So, you’re probably using xyz data base search and destroy.” [I don’t recall the term he used.] I said back, “I don’t know. What is that?” He said, “Oh, I don’t know either!” Crash and burn.
Here’s one: a man talking to a woman, look her in the eye instead of, well, she doesn’t have eyes in her chest, right? I hear this complaint a lot from my female business associates – it really pisses them off and they say that it’s the big write-off for a potential business arrangement.
David Kenward – The Mental Coach
I think clean hands are important also. No one wants to shake hands with someone who just sneezed in their hand or wiped their runny nose with it. Your nails shouldn’t look like you are an auto mechanic unless of course you are one. I know of people who go to the restroom immediately after a networking event just to sanitize their hands.
Great information as always Paul. Way to keep it entertaining!
Two more to add: 1)Do NOT be a “trick or treater”. You have people that go to these events only to get stuff whether it is candy, or promotional products and they don’t even listen to the representative. I had a table for another company that I worked for and the people actually used their address labels for all of the drawings. If they had to fill out a card and actually listen to what you had to say they walked away. Others looked at your booth to see what you had and then walked away if it wasn’t good enough. These are trick or treaters. 2) When the networking event offers food, do not talk with your mouth full or shake hands after you just ate something messy.
A friend of mine sent me your article. What a great read. I suck at networking. I actually avoid these meetings, but the humor in your piece made me rethink of the endeavour. Maybe I should force myself to attend a few more sessions.
Thank you for giving me another outlook on networking in general and what’s expected (or not) from the attendees.
Excellent insights Paul – if I can be so bold as to add one other.
Feeling the need to always correct a person for what we perceive is ‘wrong’. Most of us have the mistaken belief that we are ‘right’, naturally myself included, when in fact all we have is a different perspective or opinion. A tip to guage how guilty we all are in this regard is to count how many times a person uses ‘I’ in their brief conversations.
Great point Dan and I have certainly been guilty of that one big time!
Thanks for contributing!
Respectfully,
Paul Castain
Totally understand the “BS” mistake networking factor, this can be true on either the networking event or as a Vendor at an Event. Don’t be an Actor/Actress, be genuine!
I think all of these can easily be avoided if you only go to networking events where you are passionate about the topic… otherwise might as well just go back to your hotel…
Love this! Thanks for the reminders!
Wow…I have done every one of these….many times….
I think we’ve all made a at least a few of these James.
We’ll figure it all out one of these days 🙂
Thanks for stopping by!
Wow…I have done every one of these….many times. Great list.
Great stuff, I have evaded many of these over the years.
Thanks Carol . . . have a great weekend!
Great advice!
Great stuff Paul. I might add to dress for the occasion. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen folks show up for business networking events, looking like they are going to a ball game.
Paul, as usual you are spot on! My favorite is #3. I never had a good way to get out of
Thanks Matt . . . I’ve struggled with that one too.
Have a great day!
Paul, As usual you are spot on. My favorite is #3. I never had a good way to get out of the clinger situation, and now I do. Thanks for the great suggestion!