Paul Castain's Blog

The Last Christmas Gift

Posted December 19, 2011

Tucked away in a safe place within the walls of my heart, is a vision of my Father, Christmas Eve some 24 years ago. I can vividly see the look upon his face because it was a look that transcended all expression. It was beyond gratitude or joy and it was as if he were recording our faces, our voices and acts to be filed deep within his soul. It was as if he had something to say, but couldn’t express it. I didn’t know what it was but I felt it to be profound and deep!

It was that Christmas that I learned something that I have since referred to as “The Gift”!

12 days later a family meeting was called by my Father and he obviously had something on his mind. With a heavy heart he shared with us that before he was released from the hospital ( a few days before Christmas) he was told that the cancer had spread and he was given 3 months to live. He explained to us that he didn’t want to ruin our holiday and wanted to give us the 12 days of Christmas.

That day a light bulb went off for me as I realized that on Christmas Eve, my Father was drinking it all in for the last time. Less than 3 months later, my Father passed away.

So let me ask the question for you . . . where’s “The Gift” in that? There are in fact many if you would do me the honor of reading on.

The first is a constant reminder that if my Dad could keep himself from wearing devastating news on his sleeve, perhaps I can keep whatever BS I’m going through off of mine! And let’s not to pretend that we don’t all have a little of that BS via the boss, the A-Hole who just stole the parking spot, the kids, the wife, the bills and for the “Bah Humbug” crowd . . . the season!

Whenever I’m guilty of wearing those things on my sleeve, perhaps I’m also guilty of getting in the way of someone else’s joy. Something for us all to think about next time we care to offer someone an invite to our pity party. Might be a “gift” in understanding that one!

The other “gift” is savoring the moment, involving all of your senses and living the holiday (and dare I say, our lives) as if this will be the last one. Someday we’ll be right!

I believe there is also a “gift” in catching yourself enjoying that moment. Don’t they call it the “present” for a reason? Personally, I think it sucks when we are enjoying a moment solely in retrospect! I triple dog dare you to catch yourself in the act of enjoying your life!

Gratitude is yet another gift that I have taken away from that event. Gratitude that I saw the moment when my Dad was savoring his last Christmas. In that moment, I was able to share something very profound . . . a moment when someone who had come to the end of their journey was counting their blessings!

Additional “gifts” come from that knowledge too. All of us have an expiration date. If you knew you were on your final 3 months, would you be filled with regret or gratitude? Perhaps there’s even another “gift” in starting, right now in positioning ourselves for a “regret free” life!

There’s still more, I promise!

If we can’t embrace gratitude, how about refusing to allow resentment to enter our lives? You know, not even once during my Dad’s final days did I get a vibe of bitterness that his life would be cut short at 65. Instead of anger that Christmas, Dad was thankful.

“The Gift” is also an opportunity for us to become selfishly selfless. It means finding a need, thinking beyond ourselves and giving unconditionally. How?

Giving of encouragement. Never, ever underestimate the power of giving someone the ability to take another round!

Giving of our time, our patience and our genuine interest!

Giving of our prayers . . . who doesn’t need a little spiritual good press?

The “gift” of forgiveness as well as the “gift” to remove our egos long enough to ask someone else to forgive us!

And in true “Charity begins at home” fashion . . . how about the gift of forgiving yourself for your shortcomings?

The final “gift” is the ability to take our own sad stories, challenges and speed bumps and somehow take a lesson from them. In that moment, you may have something that becomes “a gift that keeps giving”!

With that, I want to thank you all for my “gift” . . . the opportunity to share something personal and profound. I share it with the hope that it will breed numerous gifts for you!

Please take a moment to savor and celebrate the many gifts that surround you! They are there my friend . . . sometimes we just have to look harder!

Oh, and before I forget . . . Dad, thank you for “the gift”!

Wishing you and your family blessings of peace, joy and more “gifts” than could ever fit underneath your tree!

Happy Holidays from a humbled and grateful

Paul Castain

Peace!

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98 thoughts on “The Last Christmas Gift”

  1. Wow! that is really powerful and thought provoking stuff.

    I always tell my children even at their young ages that life is there to be lived and live every moment to the full.

    I know this isn’t anything new but it’s so so true.

    Have a fantastic Christmas Paul.

  2. Thank you Paul for, again, sharing with us your personal life to make see that there is so much more. Indeed a Christmas ‘gift’. Ted

  3. Thanks for sharing that Paul. “the ability to take our own sad stories, challenges and speed bumps and somehow take a lesson from them” speaks to me as my personal philosophy has always been that everything happens for a reason; that reason may not become clear for years or decades but at some point I always wind up at “Oh, now I see why I needed for that to happen”.

    Merry Christmas and best wishes for a healthy, happy and prosperous 2012.

    1. Well said Jeff.

      Napoleon Hill once said something that I find myself quoting quite often (pardon me if I don’t have the quote 100%) “Every adversity has within it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit”

      Thanks for stopping by and have a Merry Christmas Jeff!

  7. Paul, it is amazing how many times that you hit the center of the target with your comments! Thank you! I volunteer with the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I was given one of those tragic moments on friday that ends up making you grateful for the blessing that you have. Thank you!

  8. Paul,
    As always great stuff. I count you as a gift to me this year. I am a far better salesmen  because of you tweets and blog.

  9. Paul, I could barely read this without crying my eyes out. The words got washed out as my eyes filled with tears. You are an amazing writer and human being! God Bless you and thanks for sharing.
    Hugs,
    Deb

  10. Paul,
    You did it again…just when I hit a plateau or start to descend into a “sales sux funk” you kick me in the pants. And, this article is truly powerful. You always say Thanks for stopping by. Well, this time around I’d like to say Thanks for checking in on me.

  12. Paul, as usual, thanks for taking the time to post such great content. But this is personal, from the heart, and I really appreciate it (as I am sure everyone else does too). The holidays are a time to reflect and be grateful, and you have certainly set the tone for everyone for the next couple of weeks, and the New Year. Thanks again.

  13. This was something I needed to hear today.  Thank you for sharing your gifts and your message and a little piece of your dad.  May his and your life shine on others as it has on me today.  Thank you. ~Amy

    Amy

  14. The gift that keeps on giving.  Your father was an extraordinary man and by that token, he raised an extraordinary son who turned out much like him, evident in such deep reflection.

  15. Paul, In the hustle and bustle of trying to be a great salesman. I know that is easy to get down on oneself and not enjoy life. Thank you, for sharing this gift. You can be sure that I will pass this on to others, so they too can reflect on the fact that life is short. Making every minute count can be as simple as lending an ear, opening a door, or just being courteous to everyone we meet. Have a Merry Christmas, my friend, Jay

    1. “Making every minute count can be as simple as lending an ear, opening a door, or just being courteous to everyone we meet”
      Well said Jay!

      Thank you and Merry Christmas to you too!

  16. Brought a tear to my eye, thank you for that story Paul. Very inspirational and encouraging. I wish you and your family a happy holiday and god bless

  17. Thanks for yet another dose of your wonderful inspiration, Paul! I, for one, am so grateful to have had the opportunity to get to know you throughout the year and for the many gifts you have already given me. 

    Wishing you and your family a joyous holiday season and a happy and healthy year ahead!As ever…I remain…Virtually yours,Anne-Marie

  18. How beautiful and inspiring! I had a personal battle with cancer this year, so I am especially grateful to welcome the holidays with my friends and family. Reading your story helped to remind me that this is a time to celebrate and take some time just to enjoy TIME. Thank you for sharing. Happiest of holidays to you.

  19. Paul, loving and appropriate for this time of year or anytime for that matter.  I’d also add this: look for and find people worthy of mentoring and provide the kind of example we often talk or read about.  Also since we are all sales professionals in the forum part of the transformation of being a great sales leader is remembering at all times that a sale is often born form a relationship forged in trust at one level or another.  So it’s not about the score or keeping score, it’s knowing those individuals you’ve worked with will continue to view you as “worthy” over a long period of time.  This too is a gift I am often reminded of time and again.  Thanks for your tribute to your dad and reminding us all of what is important.

  21. Very moving Paul- thanks for the Gift.  Thanks for waking me up and inspiring me to “drink it all in” and to share the gift with others.  In deep appreciation . . .

  22. Thanks for sharing such a deep and personal account of your “gifts”, I appreciate the words of wisdom and will most definitely share this inspirational message.  Happy holidays Paul (and all your readers)!

  24. Excellent story Paul.  I just lost my Dad on November 3rd, 2011.  I have a really similar feeling.  He and I were the best of friends and he left us at 62 unexpectedly. There’s never enough “time”…and you’re absolutlely right…we have to be greatful for that time we’re giving and make the most of it.

    1. I’m very sorry for your recent loss Chris.

      Make sure you continue to reflect on your fun times together with gratitude.

      That time was a gift and there’s a gift in continuing to see that and help others who might be struggling with it.

      Happy holidays to you Chris!

  25. Thank you for sharing your gift with all of us. My son passed away in March of this year and your Father’s gift has reminded me of the gifts I was given. Danny is spending Christmas with Jesus this year. 

    1. I’m so sorry for your loss Alice and Danny will be remembered in my prayers.

      I’m glad this reminded you of the gifts you had with Danny. Its very hard to see through our own grief at times but when we can remember our time with them as a gift I belief they live eternally in our heart.

      God bless!

  26. Paul,

    Thanks for taking the time to provide us with an abundance of learing that we can share with others.  Additionally for sharing with a heavy heart a very difficult time from your life.  Many of us forget to take time to reflect(myself included) and this serves as a gentle reminder.  Rejoice and Merry Christmas to you and your family and thanks for sharing with us your heart felt gift!! 

    1. I’ve certainly forgotten to reflect and be grateful. I think its something we all have continually stay mindful of.

      Thank you for taking the time to stop by and visit with us John!

  27. Thank you for sharing your story Paul. Very powerful and familiar for me. 24 years as well. I will be sharing it with my 3 brothers and 3 sisters. 
    Thanks
    Joe B 

  28. Paul, As always,  many thanks.  Your blogs over the last year have been a gift in themselves, but this is different.  This is a very real bit of you. I wish you everything you wish for for Christmas and the New Year.
    Mike

  30. Thank you for sharing, Paul.
    Here is a quote I like to share:
    “Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.” Jim Rohn.

    Watch your thought,s for the become words.
    Choose your words, for they become actions.
    Study your actions, for the become your behaviour.
    Examine your behaviour, for it becomes your character.
    Understand your character, for it becomes your destiny.
    Your dad epitomized that poem and it certainly appears that the same principles are governing your life.

    Happy Holidays!
    Sandy

  33. Paul, I love it when you share a piece of your heart with us in your blog. You were very lucky to have had that last time with your dad. My father in law passed away suddenly in February and we are saddened that we never got to say goodbye.

     Some say it was a blessing that he went so quickly and did not suffer. You never know when it will be your last customer, hug, kiss, conversation, holiday, etc. Thanks for your insight. Miriam

  34. What a great and heartfelt post.  In these difficult times it is sometimes challenging to remember all things we have to be grateful for.  It is nice to be surrounded by others who share and understand the importance of giving and trying live each day in the present.  I wish you and your family a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

    1.  “It is nice to be surrounded by others who share and understand the importance of giving and trying live each day in the present”
      You have captured the essence of this post in that one sentence.

      Thank you Jenny . . . Well said!

  36. Thank you for sharing this with us, Paul. We all can use a reminder of how much we have to be thankful for and how important it is to keep things in perspective. P.S. I hope you still play a little guitar once in a while. Enjoy your holiday! Mark Miller

  38. Paul, you and your story have truly touched my heart. Some how on a daily basis you manage to find just the right words to express quite a range of messages — but this is at the top of the list and worthy to print and reread often. Thank you always for taking the time to share — and best wishes to you and your family for a memorable, fun, and Happy Holiday!

  40. Paul,

    Thanks for sharing you and your Dad’s story.  We all need to be more grateful everyday in our lives.  Your Dad seems like he was a great man.  I expect you already know that and consider yourself lucky to have been his son.

    Merry Christmas everyone!

    Cheers,
    Larry

    1. Thank you Larry. I feel extremely blessed to have had the time that I did with him and while we’re at it, my Mom too who just turned 85 this year.

      Merry Christmas to you too!

  41. Thank you for sharing your gift. In all the holiday shuffle, we sometimes lose sight of those subtle gifts that mean so much.  I wasn’t raised with a Dad, so I can truly appreciate stories of love and reflection, and the lifelong impression he made on you – and no doubt so many others.  I wish you a wonderful holiday and look forward to a prosperous 2012!

  42. Paul,  This one is going up on the wall.  Thanks for sharing this memory and for the lesson it contains.  Your dad would be proud.  Happy Holidays!  

  43. Hey Paul,
    WOW!
    Thank you for giving us such a powerful gift! I am very reflective this time of year so I really appreciate reading this. This definitely helps me to remember that we should not wear our emotions on our sleeve as you say.

    Thanks for sharing such an important part of your life with us. 

    Have the Merriest of Christmases and I wish you the best for 2012 my friend. (I do consider you my friend)

  46. I’m awfully sorry to hear about your loss Miriam.

    My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

    Thank you for taking the time to stop by and share your thoughts!

  50. Paul,

    Thank you for sharing.  At this time of the year, I tend to get depressed, thinking about those who have passed on.  It is so easy to forget the good times, the times to be celebrated.  Thanks for the reminder!  Hope you and yours have a great Christmas and happy and prosperous New Year.

    Linda Lewis-McKee

  51. Thanks for the reminder. I have been extremely stressed and have not been in the holiday spirit. That changes now!

  52. True words of wisdom.
    Thank you for saying out loud what should be obvious to us all.
    “May God Bless us each and everyone.”
    Merry Christmas.

  54. Paul,
    Thank you this post. It is in itself a “Gift”. I have printed it out and will share it with others and remind myself throughout the year that a “gift” should not only be given on Christmas day. 
    Merry Christmas and Thank You for Sharing,
    Bill

    1. “Remind myself throughout the year that a “gift” should not only be given on Christmas day.”  Well said and words for all of us to live by Bill!
      Thank you for taking the time to stop by . . . Wishing you a merry Christmas!

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