Painfully “Sales 101ish” moment coming atcha in 3,2,1 . . .
People like people like themselves!
Bet you never heard that one before, huh?
So if people truly like people, just like them, then you’ve probably heard of a technique called “mirroring”.
The way most people know mirroring is in the form of subtly copying the body language of the person you’re talking to . . .
The problem is that most people don’t do it subtly and they end up looking like a freakin mime!
Before I present 5 less obvious ways to mirror, I want to address a concern most people have . . . upfront and head on!
Most people feel mirroring is manipulative.
My response is “Only if you choose to make it that way”.
Whenever we are “in rapport” with someone, we both naturally take on the body language, mannerisms etc of the other person.
Think I’m way out there on this one?
Assignment: The next time you go to an event, out to dinner, to a bar or anywhere where people are engaged in conversation . . . see if at some point they take on each other’s body language, mannerisms etc.
Meanwhile . . . Here are those 5 ways to mirror!
1) Mirror Their Demeanor: If you are talking to an upbeat loud talking extravert, go easy on the low talking, laid back thing. Conversely, if you are talking to a laid back, conservative type, think “indoor voice”!
2) Mirror Their Sensory Language: Listen for things like “I hear you” or “I can see that” or “It feels right” Chances are you will hear a pattern because people tend to favor either visual, auditory or kinesthetic language.
3) Mirror Their Phrases: Let’s say you’re talking to a prospect and they use the phrase “streamline production” . . . don’t get all wordy on the dude and say something like “increased efficiencies in production” . . . use their phrase! Note: No need to mirror “F-Bombs” etc 🙂
4) Mirror Their Rate Of Speech: Being from NY, I tend to talk at 90 mph with gusts up to 120 mph . . . not cool when I’m talking to someone who’s speaks slower.
5) Mirror Their Email Structure: If someone sends me an email that begins with a “Hey Paul”, it would be kind of silly for me to respond with “Dearest Frank” (and not just because straight dudes should never talk that way to each other) While you’re at it, take a look at how they form the email as in do they use actual paragraphs or one big paragraph? How about the vibe of the email? Is it formal or laid back?
So there you have it . . . 5 ways for you to mirror without looking blatantly obvious or even of the mime variety!
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Hi Paul –
Great tips on how to do the “mirror” subtly vs. blatantly.
The volume and speed with which we speak are really important ones. You don’t want to intimidate your audience by being loud if they aren’t quite as
exuberant as you. (BTW, love the weather analogy on your personal speech pattern. Like you, I speak very quickly – in fact, I have a friend who calls me and always opens with “talk faster!” just because he thinks it’s so amusing how fast I talk.)
Good point about not mirroring the “Fbomb.” I’d go so far as to say a good rule of thumb is just don’t use it at all in any sort of business/professional setting. I work with a Brit who uses it in just about every sentence. What’s fascinating is that he can (and does) “turn it off” in front of a prospect!
The sensory language tip is interesting. Haven’t heard that one before – it makes total sense! (no pun intended)
As always – thanks for the practical, smart and useful advice delivered in a “real” way without the jargon!
Virtually Yours,Anne-Marie
I couldn’t agree more about the speech comments. Its something I forget quite often so consider that one autobiographical 🙂
Thanks Anne-Marie!
Great post Paul! I have probably instinctively “mirrored” in situations throughout my career, but this is the first time somebody has really put it on paper for me to study. Thanks for the insight on this fine Tuesday and have a great day!
And that’s the thing Tim, we all pretty much mirror people instinctively once we are in rapport with them.
Thanks and happy Tuesday to you too 🙂
Well I am certainly glad you posted this, because I have rarely seen information on this topic online!
Thanks for the great reminders! I think we all do this to some extent; I even find myself picking up accents without realizing it-being a native Bay Area person; I actually caught myself about to say ya’all!
Hi Paul, this remembers me of a job interview I did a while back. The candidate was mirroring me in such an obvious way (I mean, hand/head movements and all) that it made me feel totally uncomfortable. I guess he had just read it somewhere or learned it in a course for doing interviews and didn’t really understand how to put it into practice. I actually asked him to stop doing it as he was freaking me out and eventually we both had a laugh over it. (Didn’t hire him though..)
Wim
Awesome Paul,
I am a big believer in mirroring (fancy word) so these tips will definitely be useful.
Have an awesome day!
Good info Paul – Interesting, I am also in the early stages of a good book by Mark Goulston (Just Listen) that elaborates on this topic and others as well.