One of our Linkedin Group members posed an interesting question today.
He was knee deep in an outbound call when a prospect randomly asked him a ridiculous question (that had nothing to do with what they were talking about) and then hung up on him before he could answer.
It reminds me of one of my first cold calls when someone asked me “What are you going down a list” and then hung up on me.
I can’t begin to tell you how much that call bothered me and how many times I rehashed that exchange with mental responses that ranged from “No Sir I am not going down a list. I researched your company and blah, blah blah” to a real inappropriate “Not at all, your name came up during a threesome but that’s neither here nor there”
Now these examples might not resonate with you but what comes next usually does . . .
It’s the part where we rehash the heck out of these things wondering what we did wrong, what we could do better and all the while there is this sense of an . . . unresolved zing!
An unresolved zing occurs when someone disses us, is rude, left hooks us . . . but for whatever reason, we don’t return fire! Usually because we’re caught off guard.
And let’s not kid ourselves, these “zings” are not limited to phone conversations.
Zings happen in meetings, they happen with co workers, clients & family members.
Zings happen by way of strangers, smart asses, line cutters, people on the highways and purveyors of middle fingers.
The problem with this is that we spend inordinate amounts of time in the pondering or in the venting to coworkers, spouses or our local bartender!
Meanwhile I would have to wonder how much time the “Zinger” is spending thinking about the “Zingee”?
Here are 5 quick tips to help you whenever you become a victim of a zing.
1) Ask yourself “In what ways could I have handled this differently?”
2) Ask for feedback from others but do it before or after hours (no sense in bringing others down or creating a time waster for several team members)
3) Do a quick “mental reboot” by taking a walk, getting some fresh air, saying a quick prayer (for the offending A hole’s soul), throw some water on your face, call someone friendly etc
4) Shake it off!
5) Do all of these things with a timer set. When it goes off . . . let it go and get on with life!
Oh, and one more thing . . . Life is short . . . don’t give others permission to steal your joy!
Your turn . . . What’s your best advice for keeping these things from getting to you?
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Wow, Paul I can relate to every post you send however this one is special. As I am going through a divorce(my choice) I find my self on the receiving end of these zingers. Usually they are the opinions of other people that do not like what I like or do not like to partake in the same things I like. I just hope that I can instill these thoughts on my 6 year old before she starts throwing zingers herself. Have a great day. I know I will.
I’m awfully sorry to hear that Gregg!
You have a fantastic outlook and there is much we can learn from you!
All the best!
Paul – My best advice is to follow your numbers 3 and 4. Allowing someone who is rude, crass, unprofessional, or just nasty, to get to you is exactly what they want.
It is not easy, but when you consider the source of the antagonism, it is usually easy to stop worrying about it. It’s not your problem, it’s theirs.
Dale Carnegie puts it this way (I’m paraphrasing), if someone has an intense need to win, let them.
You know the real score. Engaging some idiot is exactly what they want you to do. Acting as if you are unfazed will infuriate them. Score, one point for the good guys!
Well said Marc and quite frankly there is something quite liberating about simply “walking away”!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and have a fantastic Thursday!
Paul Castain, you have done it again. Many thanks for the wonderful reminder! Love the hint, “set a timer and when it goes off” the issue should go with it!
Awesome! One of my buddies and I have just begun a guerilla cheer campaign at work.We’re not all false about it — we’re just determined not to let someone else’s Olympic levels of sourness bring us down.
Funnily enough, I just posted a similar-ish piece on my story blog: donna-tellmeastory.com
THANK YOU!
Thanks Donna!
I tried to check out your blog but the link you provided didn’t work.
Would you mind posting it again?
Donna is a longtime friend from Boston – on her behalf, I’m sharing her link: http://donna-tellmeastory.blogspot.com/2012/04/prophets-of-doom-dragons-and-show-tune.html
She is subject to the lethal Thursday Typo Gremlin, but otherwise a fine human being!! LOL
:)mb
Thanks Mary Beth!
Thank you SO much for posting the correct link, MB!
Hi Paul,
Your timing for this message was perfect
for me. I had an encounter with an “idiot” yesterday. My
response to his comments was “I could never do business with a person that has your attitude.” While I
slammed his ego, I still was bent out of shape over the call. I got up from my desk and took a 10-minute
walk around Rockefeller center.
In my opinion, the best way to handle the clowns is to take a break.
Best regards,
Greg
Happened to me on Monday, first I allowed myself to engage in the conversation I knew was not going to have a good outcome. Then perpetuated it by attempting to make my point at least 3 times, to someone who was having a 1 way dialogue with me. Follow-ed by kicking myself down the road the remainder of the afternoon and evening, telling myself I could have done so many things differntly. Thanks for the tips Paul! Perhaps better prepared for next time…
I’ve been there too many times my friend. Not fun and really time consuming!
Many of us (myself included) need to remember that we are allowed to walk away . . . not only physically but mentally!
Thanks for taking the time to stop by and share your thoughts Marc!
A good quote I heard on this subject.
Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent free in your head.
This quote just made my journal Wendell!
Thank you so much for sharing it with us!
I like to think of the “zingers” as a test, put in front of me to see if I am really capable of rising above it. That kicks in the personal competitive spirit and you move on to the effort of moving past it, versus the effort of rethinking it. Motivation comes in all forms–thanks for the post. Debbie
“I like to think of the “zingers” as a test, put in front of me to see if I am really capable of rising above it.” < I love this Debbie! Well said!
By the way, I took you up on your "Thursday Brainstorm Session" and posted your idea in the Linkedin group!
As always . . . Thank you Debbie! You are appreciated!
I’d probably wait a day, call back, and ask if something happened that caused him to hang up. Maybe the boss had just walked in, demanding his/her attention? You don’t know until you ask!
Great point Francey. We really don’t know until we ask!
Thanks and have a fantastic Thursday!
Reminds me of a formula I read a few years ago – SW3MO:
Some Will
Some Won’t
So What
Move On
Ultimately, we gain nothing by engaging with idiots…thanks for the reminder!
:)mb
Words of wisdom Mary Beth . . . Thank you!
Hope all is well my friend!
AMEN Ms Barrett!
Thank you for stopping by Anita!
Don’t get emotionally involoved. Get working on providing value to your next prospect.
An all caps AMEN . . . a perfect and productive solution!
Thank you!
I was zung a few years back. I sent the gentleman a very nice “Thank You” note stating that I realize he is really busy and that I appreciated the time he spent with me on the phone. Picturing him reading the polite note and remembering how rude he was gave me joy. Passive aggressive? Maybe.
That’s brilliant in a real Dr Evilish type of way.
I love it!
Thanks!
I find a bucket of margaritas puts me in a happy place and then I drunk text an insult to the person. Just kidding!
Actually, I have found the saying of: “What someone does/says to/about you reflects more on them than it does on you.” If I get someone like this or someone who is just a huge pain, I keep repeating this in my mind. When they do something idiotic like hang up on me, there is almost a sense of being relieved because if they were that big of an idiot during the selling process, imagine how awful and immature they’d be as a client.
You had me at “bucket of margaritas” and lost me at “just kidding” Leslie 🙂
I agree with you how their words and actions reflects more on them than you.
I gotta run, I have this sudden 10:30 am urge for a bucket of ritas!
And its all your fault 🙂
Rock on!
I agree Greg and when there seems to be a clownfest, I take the afternoon off 🙂
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
That’s a great quote Wendell.
Here’s a similar take from Buddhism: http://workingwithinsight.wordpress.com/2007/03/13/two-monks-and-a-woman-story/
Thanks Endaf
“Don’t give others permission to steal your joy!” Thanks for the advice. It’s a great line that I am sure will be quoted often.
A belated “Thank YOU” Slyvain . . . I really appreciate it!
Great post Uncle Paul,
I had the privilege to work directly with a CEO in my past life in the jewelry industry and he had the same response for quite a few situations:”NEXT”
He always said it, “NEXT, and run for the door if they don’t get it Peter…”
It might seem simple but let me tell you it works on so many different levels.
Have an awesome day!!
I love it Peter!
Thanks!
I recently called a prospect by the wrong name (several times!) – try and let that one go! When she called me on it and was rather direct in her e-mail I battled the zing for over a day. Did I happen to mention that we have a 6 figure proposal due to her this week?
Then I remembered that I don’t want to be the person that forgets names and that I have the power to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Just taking back my control over who I am seemed to make a big difference. Besides we all make mistakes and those mistakes help us to be better every time. Look at how great I am now because of it.
Boy this is a tough one Jill and I know how you feel because I actually had a similar situation happen to me at one point.
I give you lots of credit for having the guts to not only acknowledge where you fell short . . . you had the guts to share your story with us so we could learn from it!
Thank you for that Jill!
Wishing you continued success my friend!
Your unnumbered 6 struck a chord with me; ‘Oh, and one more thing . . . Life is short . . . don’t give others permission to steal your joy!’ I have three sons and, as they were growing up, I taught them the idea of not giving others power over themselves. This first came up when my oldest son asked me why I never get mad at other drivers. I’ve also given the same advice to many, if not most, of my sales people over the years. We all know that it is far too easy to take things personally.
Well said Mike . . . there is much I can learn from you (on and off the the road) 🙂
Thank you!
Thanks for your encouragement. They didn’t give us the joy, they can’t take it away,right? I scanned quickly over this blog early this morning and didn’t think much about it. Then “I heard something that someone said negative about something that I did for a client.” My first reaction was to recall how bad he does what he claims to be an expert in…. After getting back to my computer, I went directly to this blog. Thanks for taking the time to write it. Now I am smiling. I love what I do for my clients and they do to…