For the better part of this year, I was in an awful funk!
On one hand, my business exploded and money started flowing into my start up but something really bothered me inside and quite frankly I’m ready to talk about it.
All year I really didn’t want to think about the fact that my son Paul was graduating from High School but I didn’t understand why this was eating me up inside so . . .
I decided to deal with it as in . . .
No sweeping this sh*t under the carpet or
I’ll think about this tomorrow . . .
I decided to think about this intentionally so I could get to the heart of it and here it is.
There was definitely some of that “my baby has grown up” stuff going on but dudes don’t talk like that so for me, it was more like this kid who I used to play Starfox with, and have living room camp outs was suddenly an adult.
It goes much deeper than that and it involves judgment on a promise I made when Paul was 6 months old.
I was holding Paul in my arms waiting for a pizza way back in 1994. The pizza dude had this far away look in his eyes as he admired my son. He said something to me . . .
“It’s none of my business but if I can give you some advice . . . make sure you enjoy every day of this child’s life because before you know it, you’ll be like me and have 3 kids in their twenties”
I responded with “And pissing off people waiting for pizzas by butting into their lives” Of course I didn’t say that but someday if there’s a Paul Castain movie, I want to be portrayed as really sarcastic.
His words hit home with me as they seemed to come with a sense of regret. So I promised myself I would enjoy every day of his life.
Then some evil S.O.B. fast forwards the clock on me and along comes a major milestone and with milestones there comes self imposed judgments!
I felt very secure in the knowledge that I had indeed enjoyed every moment of this young man’s life. From the moment I escorted him down from the room where he was born to watching him get his diploma the other day but . . .
I needed to evict this wacky thought process that so many of us obsess over . . .
This sense of wanting to go back to something . . . something that we simply can’t go back to because its done . . .
Except for that spot in our hearts where it lives forever but . . .
I don’t like to hang out in that place too long because it keeps me from enjoying this moment and . . .
If I am to truly enjoy every moment of my son’s life . . . I can’t be off on some time traveling expedition to 1994!
So if I may . . .
We need to thoroughly enjoy this ride and remember to enjoy it looking through the windshield and not the rear view mirror.
I really hope that you will make a promise like I did . . . My life is much richer for having made the commitment!
Peace!
Fantastic post Paul! I’ve got a 3 1/2 year old daughter and the time’s already flying by so quick. Taking care to enjoy all the moments, even the ones where you have to look at them like they came from Mars, is a great reminder for all of us. Hope your family has a great 4th.
Cheers!
Steve
I still look at my kids like they’re from Mars because they look at me like I’m from the planet of the old dads 🙂
Thanks Steve and continue to enjoy your 3 1/2 year old!
I’m in the same boat with you. My youngest son just graduated high school. Time does go by quickly. You need to live in moment and enjoy it. Enjoy your family time on the 4th!
Will do Jay and congratulations to you and your family!
Thanks for commenting!
Must be a mind meld or simply our age. Longing for something or someone in the past. Easy place to get stuck in. Kind of like hope island but emotionally much more dangerous. Away with the funk of then and as you say live in the now. At least you have great memories.
Very true.
Memories are fun places to visit and all to easy to get stuck in.
Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and comment!
Right on Paul! You are a great father and husband because you aren’t afraid to just BE who you are! Thank you for the positive and real comments and influence you have on so many lives~!
Thank you Anita . . . you have once again made my day!
Paul,
Congratulations! You raised a fine young man who has now graduated from high school, and you took time to enjoy his journey with him. You have been truly lessee and you continue to bless others. Keep up the good work. We are proud of you!
Paul, It’s only the beginning. Enjoy it all. (Wait till he moves out and
back in) Then the grand kids. Life is a journey that keeps getting better. Enjoy Steve
Paul – this is just the beginning of the next chapter! The next 18 years will be just as sweet and go by just as fast. Just different experiences to enjoy.
AMEN Tim . . . Point well taken!
Thank you so much!
Thanks Paul. This year I was promoted, money is great and I’ve been in a funk also. My middle son is currently in the Coast Guard boot camp, having graduated High School last year. It was strange to realize that the job I’ve had of providing and instructing him for the last 19 years is over. On to a different phase in our relationship and grateful for the 19 years of memories. Great post.
Seems like you have arrived at a wonderful realization Mike.
Here’s to these important things in life!
Paul –
Your story stuck with me the first time I heard it back in 2008 and still serves as a reminder every time I get bogged down with life. I have a 7 year old and a soon to be 1 year old. I soak in every moment I get to spend with them. My son and I spent the other night making his summer to do list of things he wanted to experience before the short NY summer flashes before our eyes. We went on our first expedition to catch fireflies this past weekend and when he was falling asleep in bed he asked me if we could catch fireflies every night. Priceless!
Thanks for the reminder as we get ready for the 4th!
Thank you for sharing this important time of your life and helping all of us to be aware of how important each day is. This is being shared by an old guy that his wife finally put a sign the closet that reads PANTS FIRST THEN SHOES. I can’t tell you how much time that saves me. Thank you
I might need to borrow that sign for my closet Darrell 🙂
Thank you so much!
Awesome post Uncle Paul,
That is one thing that I am very blessed with and as I am struggling everyday with my career I have my 11 year old that I spend quality time with and I enjoy her great personality and I try everyday to have fun with her and impact her life in a good way.
God is great my friend…
God certainly is Peter!
Thank you!
Awesome post Uncle Paul,
That is one thing that I am very blessed with and as I am struggling everyday with my career I have my 11 year old that I spend quality time with and I enjoy her great personality and I try everyday to have fun with her and impact her life in a good way.
God is great my friend…
Hey Paul- Yup this on hit the Spot for me! I have a 24 year old daughter, but this message is about my 77 year old Father. You’ll see that I share this in reverse perspective. I took last Friday off to make time for fishing with my Dad for a long weekend. He lives “from Away” and visits Spring and Fall. He’s not too many more years left chasing my tail thru the woods to a favorite Pool we like to fish.
Spending time fishing brought us back together after I left the family business in ’89, Cause at 29 “I know just where the business is supposed to go and Dad doesn’t know anything”… Funny how he spent the next 10+ yrs., before retiring, being so successful!
My point is, I see it going the other way, and really enjoyed it when Dad watched me play out 2 Salmon as they jumped and he finally netted them for me. Just him and I, spending time together in the middle of no-where, having a blast…!
I hope you have a Blast of a 4th with your family Paul!
My daughter starts Kindergarten, so I’m on the front side, but dang it if I don’t get teary-eyed with every new school and every time a little more baby fat falls away. It’s tempting to approach my wife with a ‘temporary’ business plan to work a little more to get the ball rolling faster. then I can sit back and glide, right? But then I come home and the 3 yr old twins are using even more words and have developed a sense of ironic humor. I’m like, ‘Aren’t y’all freaking 3?’ In other words, I don’t want to miss it. At all.
there’s plenty of time in a normal work day to get enough done to excel.
Paul! I really appreciate you taking the time to share such a personal story. I am glad you opened for all of us to enjoy. Time sure does fly by fast with the kids, and you have to enjoy every minute!
I am personally doing my best to not look in the rearview mirror and look forward. Be present and enjoy every moment with Tricia and Elliot. As you know, we have a little one on the way, and I as well, want to be in a great “place” when he or she arrives in November. Thanks again for sharing this personal story!
Enjoy 4th of July tomorrow bud…
Awesome post Paul! As always you “Speak from the Heart”. That’s what keeps rock star wanna be’s like myself coming back day after day. Life is short and time flies faster with each passing day, so lock horns and enjoy the ride my friend.
I agree. I have two children in their twenties and must say that I enjoyed every moment of their lives as they grew up and still try to take part as I can now. Thankfully they both live nearby.
Amen, Paul.
My three boys are: 26 and married, 19, and 13. I know what you mean.
Truly you can’t go back. But you can have a different and awesome new relationship with that grown up who used to be your little boy. That’s nice, too.
Thanks Paul — so true about many things, but always a struggle not jumping into the time travel expedition — coming off a weeks vacation — it’s time to enjoy activities with great coworkers and great customers . . . your timing is perfect–always — Debbie
Thanks Debbie