Paul Castain's Blog

Lunch With Oscare

Posted July 10, 2011

I have a confession to make . . . for a sales dude, I can be rather introverted. In fact, when I speak at sales conventions I tell people how hard I have to work at being outgoing. People are generally surprised by that statement but people who really know me, know its something I really have to work hard at.

The day I met Oscare . . . I really didn’t feel like working at it!

It was a crap day that had been preceded by a few crap weeks and I wasn’t in the mood for any of that “turn that frown upside down” BS!

Ever been there?

So I walk into this Deli at the point of nearly hallucinating from hunger. I get my lunch and notice there’s only one table with this dude sitting at it. So I ask him if I could have a seat and he gave me the universal go ahead sign in NY which is looking up over your newspaper and mumbling something unintelligible.

I was careful not to make direct eye contact with him and attacked my ham n cheese hero.

A few minutes later he decided to read a headline out loud to me and asked me for my opinion. I can’t say that I was in the mood for that because it required interacting when I didn’t feel like it so I gave him the universal sign for disengagement which is pretending I didn’t hear him. When he came back for another round of “ignore the stranger in the deli” I decided I was being rather dopey and engaged the dude in conversation.

A few minutes later we were talking about our childhood and I was now on a first name basis with Oscare.

Turns out that Oscare is a fellow musician and while he wanted me to come jam with him in Harlem, I was thinking this white boy might need to sit that jam session out.

Hang in there, we’re rapidly approaching the point . . .

We finished our lunch,  shook hands and went back to our lives.

Oscare will never know this, but he brightened a very dark day for me while my wife had her cancer surgery.

Which brings me to the point . . .

You and I never know

Who might be hanging on by a thread

Who might need a kind word or just someone to genuinely listen to them.

And we need not race to our nearest Deli in search of these people.

You might work with one, for one or have one that reports to you!

You might find yourself standing in line next to one of them

Or perhaps they are that familiar person in your life that you never have time to talk to because they tend to go on . . . and on.

So maybe there needs to be a new play in each of our playbooks that simply reads

“Slow down, give a damn and don’t ever be so busy conquering the world that we continually rush past its inhabitants”

So what say you sales playbook community . . .

Do you tend to engage others (including strangers) in conversation?

Now whether you do or don’t, please take a moment to share why.

Inquiring sales rock stars want to know!

Paul Castain coaches sales people and trains organizations to achieve higher levels of performance. For more information, please click HERE

61 thoughts on “Lunch With Oscare”

  1. I’m also in that introverted tent. For example I don’t get all too excited when invited to a party. I actually dread it. Having to meet all of those people. And, I’m a people person! Go figure.

    Then again, I like talking to strangers anywhere and everywhere especially when I’m in line at a store. I need something to break up the monotony. In fact, I REALLY enjoy it.

    Paul, great point well made. Whomever you encounter, they’ve got something significant going on in their lives. The key is it’s important to them. It’s all relative right? So, I simply always have the *being interested hat* on at all times.

    Hopefully the prognosis for your wife is very good.

    Steve

    1. So true Steve and we all can easily forget that as we rush to our next appointment or to check yet another email and lets not forget about all of us having busy lives.

      And all is well for my wife.This was several months ago and things were caught at the earliest possible stage!

      Thanks for stopping by my friend!

    2. Paul,
      That reminds me of another similar story.  A man was on a train and another man and 5 young very rambunctious children got on with him.  The children were wild, the father just sat, very subdued not reigning in his children at all.  The passengers were all getting very annoyed and shooting reproving looks and throat clearings at the father, the man telling the story finally said something to the father like”Pretty lively bunch you’ve got there” The father looked up gazed at his children and said “Yes we just left the hospital their mother passed away this morning.”  Needless to say everyone’s opinion and behavior changed immediately, nearby passengers began to try to engage the children and allowed the men to talk.  You are right, we can make grossly inaccurate assessments based on what we observe in any given moment.

      1. I remember hearing Covey tell a similar story in his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People CD and I never forgot the “paradigm shift” he detailed from that example.

        Now if I can only make that type of interaction a practice 🙂

        I love what you said about “we can make grossly inaccurate assessments based on what we observe in any given moment” . . . well said Elizabeth!

        Thank you for stopping by and sharing that powerful story!

        1. Elizabeth, so true. My friends flew back from Europe with a screaming infant. The child had colic and could not be consoled at all. Of course it was annoying to everyone else. Finally someone made a crack about how rude it was to fly with an infant. My friend looked up, near tears, and explained that they would never fly with an infant, except that they had just adopted her, and were taking her home for the first time. They had no choice. From then on, the passengers took turns walking the child up and down the aisles.The atmosphere was completely changed.

  2. Gee, are all we sales people closet introverts?  I also dread parties, networking events, tradeshows, etc.  Maybe we need some kind of 12-step program here!

    I don’t always have my “I’m interested” hat on – but I’ll try to be more open to the possibilities.  That’ll be my summer resolution!

  3. I am also “kind of shy” … I even may blush (I hope you say it like this when your cheeks go all red) … but I do, I do get involved into conversations with strangers, and, I do like to share a few minutes with the people I know and rarely meet…

    1. We’re all a work in progress Juan . . . let me know the secret to getting this perfect once you figure it out.

      We can write a book together 🙂

      Thanks again Juan!

  5. I’ll talk to anyone (yep, I’m an extrovert). This drives my family crazy.  I think I get make someones’ day!

  7. I am that person who talks to everyone. I engage people in elevators, shoe stores, restaurants, you name it. For the longest time I would second guess myself after having what I thought was a great,  light-hearted, even clever conversation. (Insert thought bubble here) Boy that lady must think I am a nut. But now I walk away hoping that I brought a little humor into someone’s life, even if the laugh is on me! Happy sales and happy trails!

  8. Hey Paul,

    Great post!

    I have to work on this myself as I am in my “own head” most of the time and you are absolutely right. We never know who could be hanging on by a thread.
    We all owe Oscare a big thanks for helping us remember this.
    Have an awesome day!

    1. I think many of us are in our “own head” Peter (very well said by the way) and its not that we don’t want to ignore someone else, its that we are too caught up to even realize it.

      Enjoyed our chat the other day my friend!

  9. “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~Plato and 
    “things are not always what they seem.”

    Love those quotes. Because they’re true! You just never know what someone else is carrying on the inside.

    They’re not always easy to follow, especially when someone is doing something they shouldn’t be or not doing something they should be, but I think they’re good ones to try and keep in mind when you can.

    All best to you!

    Virtually Yours,
    Anne-Marie

  10. True that, Paul!  We never know  – and until you are the one “hanging on by a thread”, you don’t know how important this is.  Have a tremendous week!
    Your friend, Anita Barrett

    1. Anita, you are a prime example of someone who understands this concept.

      I remember receiving such a kind note from you when I was smack dab in the middle of lots of uncertainty and sadness when my wife was diagnosed.

      Your note and its positive, spiritual message gave me another round and that’s all we ever need my friend!

      Thank you for epitomizing today’s message Anita . . . I value you as my friend!

  12. Paul,
    Thank you for sharing this blog with us. I think it has to be one of my favorites.

    I’m also a sales person who has an introverted side, which is a challenge.  But ever since 9/11 I’ve had a different outlook of life. I try to live in the moment and look at every one and every stranger as a fellow U.S. citizen (or fellow-human outside of the country). I make sure that I hold doors for people, smile, and sometimes say hello. I’m a believer that if we were all a little nicer to each other, it’ll make this earth a better place to be.

    Thanks for sharing,
    Angie

  14. Great post as usual, Uncle Paul!  It reminds me of a quote…”Be kind to everyone you pass, for each person is fighting a battle of their own”  Can’t remember where I got that quote…but it always stuck with me. 

    1. I believe it was Plato who said that (or possibly that guy who said “Don’t Taze Me Bro”) 

      If you scroll a few comments down, Anne Marie mentions a similar quote from Plato (who probably would have said don’t taze me bro if they had the technology back then)

      Seriously Nikki . . . thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts . . . I miss my friends at CGX!

  15. Great post as always Uncle Paul.  This is kind of along the same lines, but your post brought to mind, Hebrews 13:2 (KJ)  Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

  16. Ususually comes down to a time factor for me. If I have time, I will talk to anyone within reason….If I don’t have time, I will let you know in some way.  —I hope your wife is doing well.  

    2. I used to feel this way too.  Then I began reading “Tipping Point”.  There is a segment that speaks about a ‘test’ that was done with individuals.  (paraphrasing)  After being read the Biblical example of the Good Samaritan, they were asked to give a speech in another building.  Some were told that they were late & others that they had some time & should leave now to arrive early.  Then they were observed when they left.  Those that were told they would be late walked by a homeless person that asked for some assistance Itewhereas those that would arrive early stopped and provided assistance. 

      It made me realize that I should try to leave time/room in my life to be available to those around me that either they can enrich my life or I can enrich theirs.

      BTW…I’m a E that walks in I shoes…

    3. I used to feel this way too.  Then I began reading “Tipping Point”.  There is a segment that speaks about a ‘test’ that was done with individuals.  (paraphrasing)  After being read the Biblical example of the Good Samaritan, they were asked to give a speech in another building.  Some were told that they were late & others that they had some time & should leave now to arrive early.  Then they were observed when they left.  Those that were told they would be late walked by a homeless person that asked for some assistance Itewhereas those that would arrive early stopped and provided assistance. 

      It made me realize that I should try to leave time/room in my life to be available to those around me that either they can enrich my life or I can enrich theirs.

      BTW…I’m a E that walks in I shoes…

  17. Storms of life are a certainty. We are all either in one, just coming out of one or headed for one. No one should be too busy to decide to be nice.

  18. Good morning Paul,
    Thanks so much for sharing with us every day! I, too, am an introverted salesperson and can very much relate to your story. I try to live by the same mantras Anne-Marie typed, and try to maintain an attitude of gratitude. I love it when gems like Oscare enter our lives — and in turn hope I can return the favor.
    Do take good care, and again many thanks.
    Lynda

  19. I’m from So Cal and now in Michigan. Things are a little different in Cali – if you DON’T say hello on the street etc, you are rude and something is wrong. This got me in lots of trouble when I moved to Michigan as people misinterpreted my message. (I meant only, “Hi, I see you there, have a nice day.” Nothing more.) I toned it down and fit in. However, my parents are still in Cali and I watch them whenever we are together, on planes, in restaurants… They engage everyone – my Dad is great at cracking jokes with people at counters. I have had two thoughts about this…that they are blissfully unaware of their own culture and how cheerfully irritating they can be (not sure cheerfully irritating is a real phrase). I’ve watched others be turned off, and wonder who these mad people are…but I’ve also noticed they can make every single worker they encounter (if the person chooses to engage back), laugh, lighten up, and know they make a difference in their job. I gave this active thought at one time, and decided there was worth and good (and it’s downright more fun) in leading with the engaging of people…I’m also aware that not everywhere is this the norm, and I aim to respect the “hey, you are freaking me out and bothering me signals”, when i get them. 

    1. Great point about the geographical differences. That’s one of the biggest lessons I had to learn (often the hard way) while traveling the US.

      I think it would be interesting to hear some input about international differences too.

      Thanks for stopping by Jena!

  20. What’s kind of funny/odd is how on the rare chance I go out with my “today I’m an extrovert” hat on and then wish I hadn’t. I do better feeling comfortable in my own introverted skin and then just “let it happen”. You’re right– amazing interactions take place at odd times under strange circumstances. I pray for God’s healing for your wife and comfort for you and the Castain family!

    1. Boy can I relate to that one John!

      Thank you for the kind words/prayers re my wife, we caught the cancer very early and this surgery took place back in January!

      I really appreciate it John!

  21. My bride has accused me of being too friendly, of course with a smile. I like meeting new people and enjoy the experience of talking to a complete stranger. I was just saying yesterday, that we all have something to give back to the world and those that don’t are just missing out. Glad to hear that you had your eyes opened, another great post Uncle Paul.

  22. Fantastic post Paul, and as always, you have an incredible sense of timing.  I very much needed this reminder today.  While I may have any number of things going on in my life, the people I come in contact with (be they clients or random folks along life’s path) don’t need me to bring my baggage to the table (pun intended). 

    I sense a pattern with introverted sales people (yes, I am one as well). 

    Many thanks and blessings to you on this Monday,
    Beth

  23. There’s an old West Texas saying, “Be careful whose toes you step on on your way UP, because they may be connected to the butt you have to kiss on your way down.”  Seriously, it doesn’t cost any more to just “be NICE.”
     
    As a “for instance;” I hate flight cancellations and overbooked flights as much as anyone, But, I always feel lucky to be the next in line to talk with a Service Center Agent right AFTER some”important person has given him/her a piece of their mind” concerning the sorry running of the airline.  Being nice has often resulted in my getting a seat when “Mr. Important” DOESN’T and back when agents had more discretion, I was rewarded more than a few times with a free First Class upgrade. While I suppose I could attribute this to my stunning good looks (see picture) I’m more inclined to believe that my treating the individual with respect had more to do with it.

    Anyway, Paul, yours was a great post.  Thanks for the reminder of the importance of The Golden Rule.

  26. Wonderfully and beautifully stated Jerry “we all have something to give back to the world and those that don’t are just missing out”

    Words to live by . . . Thank you Jerry!

  27. I think great salespeople have a nice balance between introvert/extrovert. I think the best ones have more of the I vs. the E. Why? They’re better listeners.

  29. Thank you Angie . . . that comment really made my day!

    It’s so encouraging to hear and see people getting back to “human” I don’t think we can have too much of that in this wonderful world!

    Thanks again 🙂

  30. Paul, being the over-emotional type, I got a tear in my eye reading your post.

    You are right in that you never know whose lives you can positively impact with a small gesture. I love talking to people and finding out their stories. It makes my day infinitely more fascinating and maybe spreads some love where needed.

    As usual, thanks for your inspiration. Miriam

  31. I tend to go up and down–but posts like yours help me get back to what’s really important.  Thanks for the gentle nudge–please keep them coming.
    Debbie

  32. I must admit that talking to a stranger doesn’t come naturally for me. What I’ve learned though, is that if I give in to the temptation to remain silent, and in the shadows, I miss the opportunity to learn from, and about, another fellow traveler along life’s road.

    I recently saw a video about a guy who was having a bad day, and everyone he encountered was a “moron.” Then a stranger gave him a pair of eyeglasses that, when he put them on, allowed him to see the soul of the person he looked at. Suddenly he saw the guy who butted in front of him as someone who was losing his grip on life. The guy serving his coffee was fighting an addiction. The woman who was trying to contain two screaming kids was a single mom who felt hopeless and alone.

    The person we come in contact with might just be the one who needs someone, anyone, to let them know that they matter.

    Great reminder, Paul.

  33. Great post Paul. I used to work on a political campaign and one day an
    elderly woman came in to volunteer her time. For some reason people at
    the campaign were hesitant to sit with her and help her with the mundane
    task of stuffing envelopes. So I volunteered.

    I can honestly say that this woman was one of the coolest people I have
    ever sat down with! Turns out, she was a black belt in her younger years
    and her son actually fought Bruce Lee!

    It is truly amazing what happens when you take the time to listen!

    Best Regards,

    Trevor

  34. A belated “Thank you” for taking the time to comment Trevor!

    What a cool story and obviously not someone I would want to get annoyed at me 🙂

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