What’s up with the increasing amounts of people who feel that the world will stop if they don’t take a call while at the urinal? I can’t help but think about how the 6th grade version of me would have handled that. I would have pushed him forward, into the urinal and flushed him and Mr. Johnson! Ah, but I’ve grown up a tad since then and would add a phrase while flushing “The power of Christ compels you bitch!” It would serve the bastard right!

These cell phone wielding, bathroom wreckers have allowed their thoughtlessness to transcend beyond the urinal and into the stalls of America! They are in essence doing their business while doing their business. For them I am going to invent a special “crapomatic” device that will be similar to the fart machine. This device will have sounds of a person struggling through a barrage of wet farts, grunts, splashes and other festivities one might have while in the fecal position. Perhaps we can embarrass them back to their senses!

My all time favorite . . .

I’ve seen lots of people leaving the stall with their laptops. To that, I am speechless but will simply file that under “EEEEEWWWWW!” or on another day I might be tempted to ask “Those TPS reports got ya feeling saucy there Forrest?”

Lesson 1: Don’t borrow cell phones or laptops

Lesson 2: For millions of years mankind (womankind too) has existed peacefully in the knowledge that we can relieve ourselves without having to make a phone call.

Seriously: Statistics say we are working approximately 30% more than the generation before us. We have allowed our work to come home with us after hours, on the weekends etc.

Let’s get real and realize that this may be a sign of a society that needs to slow down a bit!

If not, I am truly grateful for the material!

Have a great day, go sell something and flush every son of a bitch you see on a cell phone at the urinal. Tell them Uncle Paul sent you!