I met a friend at Starbucks the other day for a cup of my favorite overpriced coffee and noticed two women doing the same thing.
Actually, I wouldn’t have noticed them but something happened that made me notice them.
The one woman’s cell phone goes off and she takes the call.
The other woman sat there for a good 5 minutes while the other one basically had a conversation with someone else.
Note: I don’t know what the woman talked about but I can tell you that based on the amount of references to American Idol and who she hoped would remain . . . it probably wasn’t overly important.
God bless the other woman because she tolerated it and didn’t say a thing when she finished.
Later that day, I’m off with a client at this little Italian place (I don’t know of any big ones) and the same thing happens with two other people.
Again, being the nosey bastard that I am, I can’t help but notice that it wasn’t important, it was just, well how shall I say . . . inconsiderate!
Why do people feel that they have to be so reachable that . . .
They allow other people to interrupt their time with someone else?
Even if it were an important business call, most can go into voice mail and returned within an hour if need be. On the days when we don’t have that luxury then perhaps we need to either hold off meeting others or let them know in advance that we might need to take a call (and not the BS ones where we’re catching up with someone else on their time)
Even then, I’m pretty sure that getting up from the table, and taking the call outside demonstrates a basic understanding of manners to those at your table and those of us who have to listen to you.
As for the poor people who sit there while others take unnecessary calls . . .
Perhaps they should politely say something or . . .
Ask if it would be better to postpone the meal/cup of coffee for a day when they are willing to give their undivided attention.
I want to say something and I really, and truly don’t mean to take a turn to “negative town” but . . .
Our social graces are going down the crapper!
And speaking of which, way too many people think it’s alright to make and receive calls in there too!
I’d like to hear your opinion . . .
Is this acceptable behavior?
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Interesting for sure Paul! I agree it really comes down to manners. for me it is no different than looking around the room while shaking someone’s hand. Giving the attention to the person in front of you is just simple and basic etiquette.
Absolutely Roger which why I want to have lunch with you and Tim one day soon my friend 🙂
Thanks!
I think that type of phone/texting/laptop staring behavior is not only not acceptable, it’s deplorable. (and I’ve done it!) It’s bad manners in a personal setting, but it’s even more heinous in a professional setting. When I’m in a meeting or appointment with someone over a coffee or beer, the phone is silenced and put away. I expect others to do the same. If this ADHD guy can do it, so can they! 🙂
None of us are perfect that’s for sure but I’m seeing this more and more and wondering when this became acceptable.
I think we all have to do what you mentioned and put the phone on silent and we might have to grow some balls and call people out when they take those calls in our presence.
Thanks Sean!
Not acceptable. I admit that sometimes I have to leave my phone in the car just to make sure I don’t, out of habit, pick up and look at my phone. It’s such a habit. Of course, that’s different than taking a call. That really needs to be a boundary – or if there’s a truly important call expected, announce near the beginning of the meeting: I’m expecting a time-sensitive call and will make short work of it when it comes in.
I agree Brett!
I’ve done the “looking at the phone” thing to my family and try my best to leave the phone in the car when we go out.
We also have a firm family rule of no technology at our dinner table.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
I rarely put my phone on silent because only a few people have my number and I never receive calls on it. If someone calls my cell then there’s a reason but it doesn’t mean I’ll answer it. I’m the exception, not the rule.
However, taking a call like that is rude and insulting to the other person. I’ve stood up and left meetings/conversations when a person did that.
If you won’t respect my time you won’t respect any other aspect of my life.
I couldn’t agree more Matt!
I think part of the problem is that many of us have allowed this to happen.
More of us need to do what you have done!
Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and comment!
I totally agree Paul. Absolutely not acceptable. I will not do that to others and I appreciate the same courtesy with one excpetion, if before they pick up they tell me they NEED to take this call. I can accept that and hopefully it is not just mindless chit chat. I watch couples out for dinner on what possibly could be their Friday date night and I see one or both texting and emailing…probably not each other. I am from the old school, the phone can wait. I never need to grab a call when I am in the shower, church, meetings or on dates with the significant other. I pay for my phone service, the phone does not pay for my service.
OK, got to go, my phone is calling me. Keep up the good rants!
Thanks,
Tim C
I’ve seen the same couples Tim and its sad . . . even sadder that its happening more and more.
Quite frankly, I think we’re all becoming addicted to our phones!
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts!
Good one Paul. Reminds me of a lunch I had with my ADD boss years ago. He was addicted to his Blackberry so I sat there quietly while he scrolled through dozens of messages. Finally he looked up and said “Well you’re a great conversationalist!”
Ha!
I agree … be respectful. If you are expecting a call you can’t not take, let the person you are meeting know up front. And don’t be rude (not only to the person you are meeting with, but those around you) … leave the table when taking said phone call.
An all caps AMEN Michelle!
Thank you!
That’s amazing Jeff!
I know of a former company President who would always pick up his phone even if you were right in the middle of saying something.
The bad news is that good manners have left many an adult in the business world . . .
The great news is that it’s a great way for those who “get it” to stand out . . .
Provided the other person “gets it” too 🙂
Thanks Jeff!
Why do people feel that it is so important to take a call? It really pisses me off. It is rude and unless you are a heart surgeon who is on call, it is unacceptable
For many, it’s their ego. They love to say “I need to take this call” and then speak loud enough so everyone else around them can acknowledge their rock stardom.
For others, it’s a behavior that’s been conditioned by no resistance from the people they dine with.
I had one position where I had 150 people reporting to me, another where I was responsible for the training of 850 sales reps and today I own a business that is exploding . . . I rarely have to take calls . . . My ego feels differently but it can wait in the car with my cell phone 🙂
Thanks Greg!
Hi Paul,
Anyone who takes a call when I am with them, always finds out that it is not a good idea. I got up from a prospect meeting and started to walk out of the office. The prospect apologized to me and did not take another call. He is now a client.
Best regards,
Greg
That’s what I’m talkin ’bout Greg!
Well done!
Paul, I am with you on this. It is inconsiderate and I would be pissed at the person taking the call. I like your suggestion that you tell the person beforehand you may have to take an important call during your time together. MANNERS OF PEOPLE ARE GOING OUT THE DOOR TODAY!!!
Very true Mark!
You can have lunch with me any time my friend 🙂
Thank you!
Paul, I can’t say that I am perfect when it comes to phone etiquette, however this is not acceptable. i only hope that I do not do that to my friends, family, and business associates.
Thanks Ron!
Agreed on all fronts, I think this rant needs to be expanded to include the barriers to true communication that e-mail, text, facebook, et al have become today. My daughter was in a long distance romance, both at different universities. She mentioned things “changing”, so having some experience in the matter asked her how often they talk. She responded we “talk” multiple times a day… I then probed for the definition of “talk”… you guessed it… text messages and Facebook. I explained to her that her real relationship is with her phone (smile…)
Being the good daughter she took my advice, all better now.
I am with you on this one. Totally inconsiderate! The other thing that really annoys me is waiting for service (doesn’t matter where) and the phone rings. Invariably, the sales clerk will answer the phone while you stand there waiting even longer.
Thank you Sylvain!
Not acceptable
I generally turn all the alerts off on my phone my when I’m meeting with anyone. I find that even the vibrate on my phone is a distraction from the here and now.
Thank you Michael!
Not at all acceptable. In meetings I make it a point to put away the phone and turn off the ringer. If I am expecting a URGENT call. I do let the person I am with know that I may need to take 1 urgent call.
It has gotten to the point so people stop in the street in their cars to take calls, make text messages or write something down INSTEAD of driving. Very sad. (I lay on my horn for them!)
Very true Capt Jack!
I watched someone drive clear through a stop sign while chatting away.
Its getting out of hand!
Thanks for taking the time to stop by and share your thoughts!
Not acceptable, unless it’s likely an emergency call, which would rarely be the case. I think it’s rude to be talking on the phone while shopping too. Sure, the retail or fast food clerks are their for our benefit, but in my opinion it is just plain rude and low class to talk on the phone while waiting in line to order food, or shopping and try to carry on a conversation with the salesperson and whoever is on the phone.
Totally AGREE with an all caps Kory!
The problem with most people on cell phones is that they talk quite a bit louder than they would if they were having a face to face chat and quite frankly I find it distracting and inconsiderate to the others around them.
One day I will open a restaurant with a strict no cell phones policy and will hire bouncers to remove them 🙂 Not really but I enjoy the visual.
Thanks Kory!
Off the cuff, it seems rude behavior to sit there talking on the phone while your friends gapes at you in silence. That said, what do we actually know about what these specific people were doing? Maybe it was okay to do this – maybe in the course of a long morning or afternoon sitting around in a coffeeshop together this kind of thing was cool between the parties involved. In other words, judge not…at least not without more information.
Great point Doug . . . I guess my only response to that is it seems like many people have that arrangement because its all over the place.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Drives me nuts.
This has been one of my pet peeves for years now. Totally agree with all of you that this is so very rude, inconsiderate, and has become common place. And just because it is becoming so very common does not make it right. All of you Sales Playbook professionals – revolt by continuing to lead by example. And Paul – many thanks for the discussion.
Thank you Lynda!
No. That is what the incoming caller id screen and voicemail are for.
Thanks Daniel!
Always nice to see you stop by my friend!
I find it extremely irritating when people text or take calls at the table or while having a conversation. If I am meeting with a customer, my phone stays in the car. At social gatherings, the magic of caller ID allows me to easily distinguish between a call that I need to excuse myself for (I will not sit at a table with others and have a conversation with someone on my phone) and one that can just be sent to VM.
I used to have a boss that was constantly texting and emailing during conversations and at one point he was actually trolling eBay on his computer while I was in his office. I had scheduled a meeting with him while I was going to be in town (my office was 150 miles from corporate) and the inconsiderate toad was so completely engrossed in shopping for some home theater component that I could have just skipped the meeting and been more productive elsewhere.
I don’t even know how to respond to that Jeff . . . It’s just wrong on so many levels!
On a good note . . . I’m really glad you began that story with “I used to have a boss” 🙂
Thanks Jeff!
🙂 It’s a three-beer story that begins with him getting a new boss and ends 6 months later with me being shown the door. Two weeks before Christmas. After 15 years with the company.
Holy smokes Jeff!
That’s awful!
No Paul, it’s not and like you, I see it everywhere.
I have two buddies that I get together with every few weeks. We hand our phones to the bartender just like you had to check your guns at the bar in the Old West. We laugh about it, but it keeps us in the moment!
I really like that Tim and I would gladly hand over my phone but I always insist on keeping my gun. Never know when I might have to bust a cap 🙂
Thanks Tim!
Well Paul, that’s the difference between living in MN and NY I guess. 🙂
🙂
I’m going to make this a tradition when I go out with my friends Lisa!
Thank you!
Heck no! Unacceptable!! Aside for expecting a call from my wife that a baby is coming, I would never take a call during a one-on-one, social interaction.
I just read Lisa’s comment – I really like that idea!
Paul, I once dumped a blind date for doing the exact same thing. My words to her were: “This date is over, as obviously you feel that the people on the other end of the line, are more important than getting to know me”. I paid the bill, and left.
Good for you Jim!
I couldn’t be with someone like that!
Thanks man!
Love, Love , Love this post! Thank you Paul.
Thank you Holly!
YOU are appreciated my friend!
OK, Here is a different take on this, a bit.
With having a kid I need to keep in touch with occasionally and customers calling, I do not leave my phone in the car when I am in a sales meeting and I do not turn it off. But if someone calls, I do pick up the phone, hit the ignore button and keep on with the meeting. I do NOT answer the call. I see who called so I can call back later (if my phone knows who it was, other wise I have the phone number) and my client knows they are the most important person to me at this time, as I just showed them, I put them first! No customer has ever felt slighted.
Yes, I find it rather rude to be with one person and talk with someone else about mundane things. And I think personal calls in public places (especially loud ones) is extremely rude too. Occasionally when I am around the person for the entire call and they have been excessively loud, I will chime in afterwards and give advice based on what I heard. You want privacy? Then MAKE IT PRIVATE!
Before cell phones, if you were out with someone and a friend came to your table and started chatting it would be unthinkable to carry on a conversation and ignore the person you were supposed to be with, so why do people think they can do it because they have a cell phone? Giving your undivided attention is not only polite but should be expected. I put my phone on vibrate and if it goes off several times in a row, then I know that it might be an emergency and would excuse myself to the washroom. By the way it never has gone off multiple times and I am able to get back to anyone who calls when I am done with the important person I was with when the call came to my phone. When I call them back they become the important person who gets my best thinking and attention. Glad you said it Paul. 🙂
I like your style Margaret!
Thank you!
I agree, we are not a very courteous people. When I am meeting with customers or friends I leave the iphone in the car. Its ok if I miss a call, email or angry bird. I can call, text, email or kill pigs later.
Thanks Rodney!
Hi Paul, I am totally on board with this as I think it is extremly rude of the other person that is on the phone. But, Why do so many people do it? I think that if it is a friend, you should be able to say something to them if they are a friend after they are done. But what if it is a potential client or a customer? Maybe before you sit down with the potential client or customer. You make a joke of it by saying, this meeting is important to me, so I am going to leave my phone with the hostess so we are not interupted. See how that goes. Take the lead.